Juice Fast Days 27-28-29-30

Well today is Day 30. The most exciting thing about finishing this juice fast is the realization that I can make mistakes and still be successful in my goal. I binged on junk food last week, including a late night snack at Rhody Joe's one night of buffalo chicken nachos with extra blue cheese. Oh my lord, I'm salivating by just recalling the wet, greasy orgasm I had in my mouth that night. Oh it was heavenly. And the next day, I mustered up all my guilt and gave it to God, and told myself I could do better.

Juicing is really all about trying to do better. The biggest challenge for me was not mustering up willpower, but rather forgiving myself when I inevitably slipped up, and then getting back on track instead of indulging in self pity and self destructiveness for too long.

This morning I weighed myself, and the number on the scale read 125.5. This is incredible. My average weight has always fluctuated between 135-145, which is already not "fat" by most people's standards, so a 10 lb loss is significant. I'm optimistic it will be a long-term loss too, because my body has taken on a completely different shape than in my previous shorter fasts. On my 10 day juice fast in August, I went from 137 to 127, then gained it all back in September. But this 30 day juice fast, with the addition of regular yoga class attendance, made for a deeper and more visible transformation on the inside and out. Of course, only time will tell how long the impacts of my juicing will last, though I have no intentions of stopping just because 30 days have come and gone. 

I intend to continue juicing, now that I've experienced such relief from things so simple as just fitting into ALL my clothes. Even my skinny jeans, which I barely squeezed into when I received them as a gift 3 or 4 summers ago. My inner thighs don't rub when I walk. Yes, they touch, but they don't rub. BIG difference in comfort and confidence there.

Another thing I must reflect on is my attitude. While I've felt more confident and energetic, I've had to ask God to tame my tongue. During the last stretch of this fast, I began to feel entitled to guilt-trip others on what they feed themselves and their children. I became preachy, sarcastic, and just plain mean. Fortunately, some of who I'll always consider my truest friends, have called me out on this. You know who you are. Thank you for risking our friendship, whatever large or small scale that friendship may be, to let me know when enough was enough. We live in a world where it's hard to speak honestly and directly to one another without worrying about stepping on toes and hurting feelings. I think the best thing I can do when I make a mistake, is to thankfully accept the criticism, reflect on it quietly, repent, and apologize. I wrote some horrible things last week in my blog, and have since edited out the comments, but again, for anyone who saw a judgmental attitude and self-righteousness in me, please know that God exposed this bad root intentionally and I believe it has now been severed for good. If you are my friend, and you are reading this right now, please hold me accountable to love in all my actions going forward.

Though I'll continue my juicing, I'll be returning to blog topics which incorporate memory, reflection, and exposition. Thanks for being part of this journey with me.