Well I'm a loser. I shouldn't even be calling this a juice fast anymore. Apparently I have no willpower. I was judgmental last week in one of my blogs, thinking nobody would notice. And here I am sitting in the exact weakness I recently judged in others. I will never run a marathon, have a real job, or be a mom. These are truths I have to live with everyday. So sometimes I resort to a fantasy world, on FB or Blogger, where I can pretend I have something to say or offer the world. Nope. Apparently not.
One time when I was abroad in London for college, like 12 years ago, our St. Lawrence group was on a bus and some girls started playing a "Would You Rather..." game, where you fill in the blank. I offered a very perverse "Would You Rather" question, and the whole bus went dead silent. Then one girl named Karen spoke up. She said, "I liked her better when she was quiet."
I just need to shut up and watch life go by. This is how I lived most of my life growing up. I was a watchful, "good" baby. I always wanted to be good and special. Who doesn't? And I am extra kind to mentally disabled and otherwise outcast individuals. I truly love these people whom society shuns. But when it comes to life and people in general, I suck! I need to go back to being "quiet." I'll be the nice, quiet, boring girl I was in high school. At least people seemed to like me then.
I'm too ashamed to leave an honest account of everything I've eaten in the last 2 days alone. There's 12 days until Thanksgiving, and I'm going to try and extend my juice fast during this time. So this is what I was thinking: I'm not beating myself up over having some occasional healthy treats - salad with dressing, roasted veggies with oil and salt, spirulina chips, and Fire Cider, during this juice fast. BUT, I had a total of 6 cheat days where I completely threw in the towel (5 of those 6 cheat days were this week alone!). So I'll make up for those days with an extra 8 days of juicing. I was supposed to finish the fast on November 13th, but I'll go until November 21st instead. Gotta finish strong.
My job went well this week. I bought a Groupon for 5 passes to KidzKastle in Warwick, and I took the 3-year-old Friday. She loved it. I could smell mold and poo in some of the play rooms, and I'm sure it was a huge germ fest, but I bought more Fire Cider at a local health food store last night and took a large swig to take care of any viruses I may have carried home.
I went to two yoga classes this week and ran a mile on the elliptical. The elliptical machine is much harder than the treadmill, and I could really feel it in my abs and buttocks.
My condo is getting new carpets put down today. As I write, it's Saturday morning. I spent the better part of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night taking everything out of my room to prepare for the carpet guys. Moving music equipment downstairs, along with other small pieces of furniture, drawers of clothes, and heavy bins of knickknacks, has been quite the workout. I'm hoping it will partially make up for this week of very bad diet choices.
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