Substitute Teaching

I lost my nanny job three weeks ago and it's been pretty stressful. 

I applied for and then turned down a couple low-salary nanny job offers, then quickly filled out the substitute teacher paperwork for three public school districts. I had to fill out everything three times: W2's, I9's, 1040's, and application packets. I met various human resource ladies, as well as a police officer who did my background check. He was handsome and rolled my fingers very gently when taking my fingerprints.

I also tried to renew my teaching certificate in New York State so that I'd have the option of moving back there. But the state of NY won't renew it! They said the graduate program I took at Plattsburgh State is no longer accredited with them. I'd spent days filling out an online application, and in one of the final steps, I was required to enter my graduate program code. But it kept saying "invalid." I spent hours on hold and speaking to various people at the NYSED offices and the college, back and forth, to no avail. I will have to do my master's degree all over again if I ever want to teach at a public school in New York in the future.

On my second week of unpaid unemployment, I got a cleaning job and made $75.

This is week three. I submitted an application to work at a private school for autistic children. I really prayed hard about this job, and I really hope I get it. The school is hiring five 1-on-1 "treatment teachers" and I know one of the autistic children who resides at the center. I know his entire family actually, so they'll be a great reference.

I also substitute taught this week, for high school and middle school. I prefer the middle school. My personality doesn't mesh well with the complacent personality of most high school idiots or the hyped up personalities of elementary school energizer bunny babies. Middle school kids and I get along great. It must be the way I speak in fragmented phrases, and off-topic, incomplete thoughts. Like a weather-forecaster. I'm all over the place. They stare and absorb. It's awesome. And in the end I think they even learn something from me sometimes.

When I sub for a high school class, the kids take out their cell phones and start texting one another. They drink iced coffees and eat snacks, and usually one student takes a nap. It's rude, and insulting. And it doesn't help that teachers don't leave actual teaching plans for subs. Instead, they leave piles of worksheets to hand out. I take attendance and pass out the worksheets and sit there, telling them to keep it down, put your cell phone away, pick up the stick wad. They almost always ignore me. I'm just a sub. I don't even know their names. In ten years of subbing, I've never had a student tell me his/her real name when I decide to write them up. Other teachers have told me I'm too nice and I need to get tough. I don't know how to do it. It makes me uncomfortable.

The way that high school teachers talk, I've noticed - it's as if they wanted to become newscasters. They deliver their rehearsed lecture in a firm, smooth tone. If given the opportunity to teach high school, I think I could develop that fluid and assertive salesman-like rhetoric. But when I sub for different grades and subjects everyday, I just can't lecture spontaneously on any given topic. I can't develop professionally either.

But when I sub for middle school classes I can. I subbed for seventh grade English on Wednesday. The students and I read an essay called "Melting Pot" by Anna Quindlen, and another selection by Bill Cosby called "Was Tarzan a Three-Bandage Man?" I successfully started a group discussion about 1930's New York City and diversity. I told the kids to imagine all the races interbreeding until everyone was the same color and there was no more prejudice. But the kids were upset, and one white boy said he didn't want to be African American. A dark-skinned boy next to him covered his face. I quickly changed the subject and asked the kids what their ethnic background was. All the kids shared, one at a time. They gave percentage breakdowns that often added up to more than one hundred. One very Irish-looking kid said he was part Asian and I didn't know if he was being truthful. Then I made a comment that every culture has it's own unique foods, and this prompted a group brainstorm of everyone's favorite type of Italian pasta. We were all over the place, but ended up finishing the assignment questions and having a great time!

Middle school kids are crazy and happy for no reason. They don't know how bad life can get yet. But they feel grown up enough to want to socialize intelligently with one another. They enjoy challenges. They enjoy the activities I learned about in my graduate program years ago: Activities that the high school kids are too cool for.

I was certified to teach both high school and middle school English when I lived in New York State. But when I moved to RI five years ago, my middle school endorsement was not reciprocal but my high school ("secondary") endorsement was. So I can only teach high school English, unless a middle school wants to hire me and help me pay for the classes I need to take to get middle school certification. It's such a mess. My whole life. I just want to be normal and have a job and a baby like everyone else. And I don't even know where I'm going to live next month. I might sleep in my car and shower at the Y. Or try out the shelters. It's pathetic. But that's where a month of no paychecks has put me. I'll be blogging about homelessness pretty soon.

New apartment and sushi

Wednesday I moved into a half house share with a girl who was already living here but her housemate left. I found the place on Craigslist. The girl is really nice and made me a welcome sign on my door.

But this is just temporary, for the month of December. For the long term I'm looking at a furnished studio apartment in Ninigret Park.

I'm kind of excited about moving again next month. I'll be surrounded by hiking and biking trails, the ocean, and three large fresh water ponds. There's actually a small commune of people each renting out single rooms in what happens to be a refurbished motel, and I'm going to look at one of those rooms next week. It would be affordable, furnished, and highly therapeutic.

I'm only juicing a few mornings each week. I've been drinking the glowing green smoothie everyday for two weeks though, and that is made in the blender.

I've been seriously pigging out in the mid-afternoons and late evenings, mostly on candy and chocolate. It has been wonderful. I can maintain my weight-loss when I drink the glowing green smoothie all day in place of breakfast and lunch. I can afford a mid-afternoon snack and pig out for dinner (within reason). My mental energy is high, and I feel good all day when I'm avoiding crap food in general. I also bought a pro-biotic supplement at the health food store, to help digest my evening pig-out meals.

Some sad news. My weekly evening cravings for tofu green curry have disappeared completely. That dish and I go way back to '07. I am sad to see it go, but also relieved.

I have a new weekly craving in its place however:

Now I crave seaweed salad and sushi. I particularly like cramming a giant wad of wasabi into the center of a piece of sushi, then layering it with several pieces of ginger, and finally soaking the sushi in a bowl full of low sodium soy sauce for a minute. I use chopsticks. Words can't describe the explosion of sensations inside my mouth and mind and body when I chew down into the roll. I get the same face sweat action as with the green curry at the Thai restaurant, but at a Japanese Hibachi bar instead. I also love huge pieces of raw fish inside my mouth. Maybe in a past lifetime I was a wicket horny lesbian. The texture and flavor of raw fish to me is just wildly orgasmic. The thought of it makes me moist. My mouth that is. And my twat. It turns me into a little bunny.

I got a check for $477.53 from Geico from a scratch someone put on my car. It was awesome! I was praying about coming up with a security deposit for my next apartment, and then this check came. I wasn't even going to make the claim. But the person who hit my car did the right thing anyways and reported it. If you're out there, person who hit my car, thank you, and I'm sorry. I heart you.

I meant to write a blog on forgiveness this week, but having seen every episode of Oprah while growing up, and watching TedX talks on YouTube about forgiveness all this week, and reflecting on the Bible - I still don't know the first thing about forgiveness. All I arrived at in my searching, was that I have to do it because God says so. God probably thinks I could use a lesson in obedience and submissiveness anyway. I also figured out that I have to decide to forgive every morning I wake up. And I've been doing that successfully most of this week. At least when I die I can tell God in good conscience, I tried to forgive.

God also knows that I live in a nice little place called denial 90% of the time, which is probably why my life is the way it is, but I escaped into the great big world of reality recently. I want to blame the juice fast for this, but fasting is just a tool to remove the blinders. Blatant sober reality without any perks or fixes completely bares a person's soul to themselves. It's just so painful and ugly and meaningless, in the Sylvia Plath sense. I've shared some of that darkness with the world as opposed to letting my light shine. So naturally the vicious cycle continues, and I concur that I'm a horrible person, and thus do more horrible things, unless I snap out of it, and remember God loves me in spite of my sins, and took action to forgive me, so maybe I should forgive myself as well.

There. That said, I really enjoyed having hard ciders and nachos with my new housemate and her friends last night. One of my own friends came over with additional snacks, and just those couple hours of good food and conversation, with the distraction of the television, and some alcohol to boot, really swept me away from the robotic undertakings of the day. I mean, a person needs to live! Not just stay alive, but live and be happy. I'm going to fall short of my ideals for myself everyday, so I may as well get used to it now. I'm 31 years old. I'm never going to have a perfect day. Everyday I'll catch myself indulging in something I shouldn't be indulging in, or saying something I shouldn't be saying, or buying something I shouldn't be buying, or thinking something I shouldn't be thinking. I have to be okay with that. Maybe in acknowledging my own need for self-forgiveness, I can grow in my capacity to forgive others.

Facebook

I like when people have exciting news, and positive and uplifting insights to share on Facebook. I am uplifted myself after reading these comments.

I especially like all the nature photographs people share, and wish there were more in my daily scrolls down the feed.

I also like taking embarrassing pictures of my dad when he sleeps and posting them, since he refuses to learn how to use technology. He's a pretty good sport about it though, as long as I don't get his belly in the picture.

One particular FB friend shared some dreamy elephant pictures once. I love elephants. These pictures were so beautiful. I became fixated on one image for a long time, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, when I first saw it, just in awe of - maybe - I don't know, having had a glimpse of heaven. I'd love to go on an African safari someday and see elephants in the wild. I could watch them lumber around all day.

I read the book of Matthew today in the Message version of the bible. The Message is very plain and direct sounding, and I felt guilty of pretty much everything, but one verse shot out and got me right in the heart:

Matthew 6:25-26:

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in the stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

I also felt deeply convicted by Matthew 7:1-5, but it's too humbling to share those verses here. That's not what this blog is about. But it makes a good segue.

I feel that Facebook should be more of a prayer community and less of a gossip chain. I want to send positive vibes to people when I see them share about a struggle. I also have to admit, I want to see people struggle once in a while. Some Facebook users rarely, if ever, post anything. Well is your life perfect or is something too terrible to share happening? I don't know!

Even if you feel you have nothing particularly significant to say, say just that. "Nothing particularly significant to share today." If you don't want to say anything at all, share a song or a picture. You're on the computer killing time anyhow. Why not?

Some FB users are just the opposite. They clog up the news feed, albeit with many interesting things, but I don't have time to read it all and still catch up with my other friends' pics, video shares, funny jokes, good news, and life concerns. If Facebook put me in charge of the next design, I'd probably create a function that allows users to set a weekly/daily limit of post shares from each friend. I mean some people have like a thousand friends. Realistically, if we believe everybody is equally important in the big scheme of things, why make a habit of burying one guy's comment with five or ten of our own?  That may have been the only comment some user posted all day or all week. Certain friends I'd like to hear from more, end up sharing less, I believe, because when they notice others clogging up the feed, they know they're tiny concern or cute joke will probably just get buried, and they think, nah, it's not that important. Well, for what it's worth, it was important to me.

I'm going to try and post on FB just once or twice a day, three or four days per week. I think that's acceptable. And I vow to prayerfully consider all the struggles my friends share, and to celebrate with my friends in spirit when they share good news. Isn't it fun to share good news? Knowing others take part in your joy? Isn't that just awesome? Facebook has such potential. We could maybe even use Facebook to elect an Independent presidential candidate next election. Jesse Ventura maybe? I'd even vote for a kid if he ran. I digress.

Juice Fast Days 27-28-29-30

Well today is Day 30. The most exciting thing about finishing this juice fast is the realization that I can make mistakes and still be successful in my goal. I binged on junk food last week, including a late night snack at Rhody Joe's one night of buffalo chicken nachos with extra blue cheese. Oh my lord, I'm salivating by just recalling the wet, greasy orgasm I had in my mouth that night. Oh it was heavenly. And the next day, I mustered up all my guilt and gave it to God, and told myself I could do better.

Juicing is really all about trying to do better. The biggest challenge for me was not mustering up willpower, but rather forgiving myself when I inevitably slipped up, and then getting back on track instead of indulging in self pity and self destructiveness for too long.

This morning I weighed myself, and the number on the scale read 125.5. This is incredible. My average weight has always fluctuated between 135-145, which is already not "fat" by most people's standards, so a 10 lb loss is significant. I'm optimistic it will be a long-term loss too, because my body has taken on a completely different shape than in my previous shorter fasts. On my 10 day juice fast in August, I went from 137 to 127, then gained it all back in September. But this 30 day juice fast, with the addition of regular yoga class attendance, made for a deeper and more visible transformation on the inside and out. Of course, only time will tell how long the impacts of my juicing will last, though I have no intentions of stopping just because 30 days have come and gone. 

I intend to continue juicing, now that I've experienced such relief from things so simple as just fitting into ALL my clothes. Even my skinny jeans, which I barely squeezed into when I received them as a gift 3 or 4 summers ago. My inner thighs don't rub when I walk. Yes, they touch, but they don't rub. BIG difference in comfort and confidence there.

Another thing I must reflect on is my attitude. While I've felt more confident and energetic, I've had to ask God to tame my tongue. During the last stretch of this fast, I began to feel entitled to guilt-trip others on what they feed themselves and their children. I became preachy, sarcastic, and just plain mean. Fortunately, some of who I'll always consider my truest friends, have called me out on this. You know who you are. Thank you for risking our friendship, whatever large or small scale that friendship may be, to let me know when enough was enough. We live in a world where it's hard to speak honestly and directly to one another without worrying about stepping on toes and hurting feelings. I think the best thing I can do when I make a mistake, is to thankfully accept the criticism, reflect on it quietly, repent, and apologize. I wrote some horrible things last week in my blog, and have since edited out the comments, but again, for anyone who saw a judgmental attitude and self-righteousness in me, please know that God exposed this bad root intentionally and I believe it has now been severed for good. If you are my friend, and you are reading this right now, please hold me accountable to love in all my actions going forward.

Though I'll continue my juicing, I'll be returning to blog topics which incorporate memory, reflection, and exposition. Thanks for being part of this journey with me.

Juice Fast Days 25-26

Well I'm a loser. I shouldn't even be calling this a juice fast anymore. Apparently I have no willpower. I was judgmental last week in one of my blogs, thinking nobody would notice. And here I am sitting in the exact weakness I recently judged in others. I will never run a marathon, have a real job, or be a mom. These are truths I have to live with everyday. So sometimes I resort to a fantasy world, on FB or Blogger, where I can pretend I have something to say or offer the world. Nope. Apparently not.

One time when I was abroad in London for college, like 12 years ago, our St. Lawrence group was on a bus and some girls started playing a "Would You Rather..." game, where you fill in the blank. I offered a very perverse "Would You Rather" question, and the whole bus went dead silent. Then one girl named Karen spoke up. She said, "I liked her better when she was quiet."

I just need to shut up and watch life go by. This is how I lived most of my life growing up. I was a watchful, "good" baby. I always wanted to be good and special. Who doesn't? And I am extra kind to mentally disabled and otherwise outcast individuals. I truly love these people whom society shuns. But when it comes to life and people in general, I suck! I need to go back to being "quiet." I'll be the nice, quiet, boring girl I was in high school. At least people seemed to like me then.

I'm too ashamed to leave an honest account of everything I've eaten in the last 2 days alone. There's 12 days until Thanksgiving, and I'm going to try and extend my juice fast during this time. So this is what I was thinking: I'm not beating myself up over having some occasional healthy treats - salad with dressing, roasted veggies with oil and salt, spirulina chips, and Fire Cider, during this juice fast. BUT, I had a total of 6 cheat days where I completely threw in the towel (5 of those 6 cheat days were this week alone!). So I'll make up for those days with an extra 8 days of juicing. I was supposed to finish the fast on November 13th, but I'll go until November 21st instead. Gotta finish strong.

My job went well this week. I bought a Groupon for 5 passes to KidzKastle in Warwick, and I took the 3-year-old Friday. She loved it. I could smell mold and poo in some of the play rooms, and I'm sure it was a huge germ fest, but I bought more Fire Cider at a local health food store last night and took a large swig to take care of any viruses I may have carried home.

I went to two yoga classes this week and ran a mile on the elliptical. The elliptical machine is much harder than the treadmill, and I could really feel it in my abs and buttocks.

My condo is getting new carpets put down today. As I write, it's Saturday morning. I spent the better part of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night taking everything out of my room to prepare for the carpet guys. Moving music equipment downstairs, along with other small pieces of furniture, drawers of clothes, and heavy bins of knickknacks, has been quite the workout. I'm hoping it will partially make up for this week of very bad diet choices.

Juice Fast Days 23-24

Well the cheating continues. I must be pms'ing. I'm actually a couple days late.

On Day 23 (Tuesday) I started the day out fine, and had two cups of apple/carrot/strawberry/ginger juice. I was fine and full all day until around 8:00 at night, at which point I drove to Shoguns, a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. There, I ordered the house soup and seaweed salad, and a water. It was amazing.

On Day 24 (Wednesday, my day off), I also started the day out fine. I made two cups of apple/carrot/ginger/mango juice and again was fine for the rest of the day. I went to Yoga at 6:30, and it was an extra hard workout. Lori took us into a folded eagle position and then transitioned us into warrior 3. Oh God. I had to start fantasizing about food at that point. After Yoga, I went to Shoguns (again!) and ordered the house soup, a seaweed salad, and a vegetarian avocado cucumber maki roll. I used extra wasabi and ginger, and dipped each piece of sushi in a heaping bowl of low sodium soy sauce, and the flavors made me perspire and nearly hallucinate. It was incredible. Then I went and got gas, and bought some snacks in the gas station. This is when I really threw in the towel. I bought a yogurt-covered fruit and nut bar, and a package of circus peanuts and caramel chew candies, which I sucked on in bed while reading.

I have to be honest. I really wanted to lie about all this cheating. From the very first cheat on Day 7 I wanted to lie. But honestly, what good does that do if someone else tries a juice fast and finds themselves weak on some days and strong on others? Maybe there are people that can go 10/20/30 days without cheating. I can't. I couldn't. Maybe I will in the future.

One good thing I can pat myself on the back for is this: I haven't had alcohol in almost a month. I don't think I've ever consciously avoided wine and margaritas for so long. I've also avoided coffee, milk, ice cream, and meat altogether during this fast. And I'm at the point where a cup or two of juice in the morning sustains me all day long. I'd like to continue a lifelong habit of morning juicing, skipping lunch, and having a light, healthy dinner. Apart from maintaining a healthier weight, this way of eating keeps my energy good. I don't get groggy or fatigued during the day.

I ran out of Boku green superfood powder drink mix last week and ordered more, but it takes so long to ship. I probably won't get my shipment until this fast ends, but when it comes, I'll be more inclined to drink my glowing green smoothie drink in the evenings. Those green smoothies are so filled with fiber, they fill me up. Not drinking them in the past several days is probably why my willpower broke down and made me cheat.

Juice Fast Days 21-22

I have some explaining to do about Day 21. It was a Sunday, and I woke up well-rested from the extra hour of sleep from daylight savings. As soon as I woke up, I felt I should read my bible, since I'd be going to an 11:00 church service. But I didn't read my bible. I went on FaceBook and also wrote a blog, and I said some very mean and immature things. I was feeling lofty in my own way of thinking about juicing and overall health.

After blogging I showered and made a carrot/apple/ginger juice and drove straight to church, only to get there an hour late, because the church meets at 10:00 instead of 11:00 on the first Sunday of each month. I didn't realize this because I just started attending a few weeks ago.

I missed the music and got there just in time for the sermon. It was strictly about loving one another, and a guest preacher read from the book of James. After the service I went to a music studio a few miles down the road where I've been working on a music album. I'd cancelled my new violinist because I couldn't afford her, and just used the session for vocal takes. I had a great session, and felt high on life: singing and juicing and my changing body and renewed energy and church and the beautiful sunny day it was.

After my recording session, I drove to Providence to meet my friend Fred. The first thing out of his mouth when I got there was about all the ruckus I'd caused with my blog. For the first time all day, I recalled the hurtful things I said at the end of the blog, and after driving around Providence with Fred for an hour and talking about history and neighborhoods and politics, I dropped Fred off and whizzed home to delete my "fat people are gross" commentary. I haven't even logged into FaceBook to see what I stirred up, but to whomever I insulted or hurt with my comments, I am truly sorry.

I don't mean to pick on fat people as if there is one stereotypical fat person. There are skinny fat people too. I should have said unhealthy. An unhealthy lifestyle does gross things to an unhealthy person's body. I need to be more sensitive about how I say things. I didn't even realize people read or cared about my blog. I figured the five or so hits a day I get on blogger are my mom, my aunt, Fred, and a couple other random people. Whatever happened on FaceBook Sunday, it caused me to get 35 hits on the blog, which I've edited as of last night.

I had a bit of a panic attack about how dumb I was. Fred said people were hurt and questioning my faith. He made it sound like I'd started WWIII. I'm so ashamed, and won't return to FB for a while. The social networking community is better off without my off kilter commentaries. I'd like to put a bag over my head. I went to bed early Sunday night, but woke up at 1:00 a.m. tossing and turning for over an hour, recalling my foolishness, then awoke again at 4:00 a.m. and drifted in and out of shallow sleep until my alarm went off at 5:30 and I woke up to a case of the Mondays.

Today, Monday, Day 22, I walked through my shame all day. I read the books of James, First and Second Peter, and First John while at work. Everything was about loving one another, just like yesterday's Sunday sermon. I've completely missed the mark. I also read today about Bio-Individuality (Roger Williams, 1956), a well proven theory that everyone's digestive system is unique. Everyone responds in a uniquely different way to various foods. There is no one perfect diet for everybody. What works for me isn't going to work for everyone else. And vice versa. A person's blood type can help determine what kind of diet his/her ancestors ate, and what foods he/she may or may not digest efficiently. So in a nutshell, I really have no place telling people what they should or should not eat. The best thing I can do is read the research and experiment on my own body to see what works for me.

In addition to reading the bible and the theory of Bio-Individuality today, I also binged on junk food. I was so disgusted with myself. I'm gross. I juiced in the morning, then ate a salad for lunch, then snacked on pistachios, 3 Oreo cookies, 1 chocolate truffle double-dipped in cream cheese, several peanut butter pretzel sandwiches dipped in cream cheese, a couple handfuls of apple chips and mango chips and yogurt covered raisins, a granola bar, and even a couple bites of the 3-year-old's macaroni and cheese, as well as two tootsie rolls from the older sisters' Halloween candy stash.

I got done work at 5:45 p.m. and went straight to Yoga. I feel a little better now but still hugely disappointed in myself. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. 

Juice Fast Days 19-20: I cheated with a salad

I'll keep this short because I really struggled this week with my hunger. I'm embarrassed to say that I cheated on Day 20, after realizing I'd lost two lbs in three days. I got over my plateau, then blew it.

That being said, let me clarify that if you have an ideal weight and you get close to it, your body will freak out and make you self destructive beyond belief. If it wasn't so late when I started to cheat, I'd have gone to multiple restaurants and eaten every calorie I've missed out on in the last 20 days. Luckily, my cheat only consisted of a raw salad at a Mexican restaurant called Cilantro, where you walk down a salad bar and tell the worker what you want on your salad or quesadilla or burrito. I skipped the bread, wraps, rice, meat, cheese, and dressing, and just ordered a raw greens salad with beans, guacamole, mango salsa, tomatoes, jalapenos, onions, and cilantro. I asked for extra limes and the guy squeezed like ten thick lime wedges at once into my salad so I didn't need the balsamic vinaigrette I was given on the side, but I poured two spoonfuls of vinaigrette over my salad for that extra flavor and oil kick, but mostly the guacamole and lime juice made the salad wet enough to enjoy immensely.

Then I went home and ate a couple handfuls of spirulina (algea) chips and went to bed. During the day I'd consumed three fat short plastic cups of sugary fruit juices and one cup of the glowing green smoothie. So I didn't need the evening calories and won't be weighing myself again until the end of the 30 days.

I justified eating the salad and spirulina chips by recalling what Bob Harper and Jillian had said on The Biggest Loser, which is that on ANY diet, you should have one cheat meal each week, to keep your body from going into starvation mode where it begins to eat away at its own muscle tissue. I noticed that my face lost its color this week, even with all the extra carrots I've been juicing. I look like I'm dying. But anyways, I've had a cheat meal each weekend of this juice fast. (On Day 7 I had an entire cheat DAY and felt like dying. Never again).

My weight loss won't be sustainable - it's just temporary, so I shouldn't be too married to a number on the scale, but I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

On Day 19 I was very good and just drank three cups of fruit juice. No veggies or glowing green smoothie or anything at night.

As I begin Day 21, I technically have ten days left: today - Day 30. And I vow to myself and my readers to be strong and disciplined. Also, I need Yoga! The YMCA was closed most of last week due to Hurricane Sandy, but I'll get back into my Mon/Weds night Yoga routine this week and also Saturday morning Yoga (which I missed because I had to work this Saturday). Yoga definitely keeps my mind at rest. Panic and anxiety are my first hunger triggers (with boredom being a close second).

Juice Fast Days 15-16-17-18

What a week! Hurricane Sandy wiped out most of Southern Rhode Island on Monday, which was Day 15 of my juice fast. What a long, antsy day for me! Luckily my condo never blew over or lost power, and I was able to watch the news all day with my condo-mates, until the cable/internet went down at 8:00 p.m. I juiced fruit in the morning, and blended the glowing green smoothie at night. The excitement of the storm kept my appetite at bay. All afternoon I listened to sirens and wind howling through the windows, and watched large tree branches and swarms of leaves blow across the back lawn and front parking lot. It was sensationally epic, until I considered all the damage and aftermath. Also, the schools in my town were closed all week, which meant all three girls I babysit would be home when I returned to work the next day. Mrs. D had given me Monday off due to Sandy. She stayed home with her girls and they hunkered down, and ended up losing power at 2:00. Three days later, as I write this, they still haven't gotten power back.

On Tuesday (Day 16), I returned to work and exhausted myself with playdates, games, a trip to the park, and dinner at Rhody Joe's with the girls. I had a little cheat meal at Rhody Joe's, which was a steamed veggie side order of turnip/carrot/squash medley. It was delicious. Otherwise, I juiced fruits in the morning (apples and grapes, which was ridiculously sugary!) and the glowing green smoothie in the afternoon.

On Day 17, Wednesday, I celebrated Halloween. I have Wednesdays off every week, so it was very convenient that Halloween fell on a Wednesday and I could help prepare for a costume party. The theme of the party was Alice in Wonderland. I dressed as the Queen of Hearts, and five other people took the roles of Alice, Mad Hatter, March Hare, Caterpillar, and White Rabbit.

We set up my friend's living room as the tea party scene, with two long tables decorated with children's tea set toys I smuggled from work. We all brainstormed a scenario and performed it for each group of trick-or-treat'ers that came in. It was awesome!

As soon as kids came to the door, the white rabbit ran across the deck saying "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! Where are my gloves Mary Ann? Come, children, hurry!" And Alice then took the lead to bring kids inside and have them sit at the table. The mad hatter and march hare then engaged the kids with some silly dancing and live piano music, then yelled at them to move down and make more room at the table. At this point, the caterpillar (who was dressed and painted entirely in green, with a green light over her head, atop the kitchen island we made into a mushroom house, with a fog machine hidden behind curtains on either side of and behind her - and she was blowing bubbles - while someone else was shooting silly string - oh god it was awesome), well she said very loudly "whoooooo arrrrrrrrre youuuuuuuu." And then I, the queen of hearts, popped out from my red lighted hallway with my croquet stick and screamed, "Where is she! Off with her head!" And I proceeded to chase Alice and the white rabbit out the door and around the house and back in a separate door. We ran two circles like this while the mad hatter and march hare told the kids to take an unbirthday gift (we'd wrapped over 60 full-sized candy bars in wrapping paper), and rushed the kids out the door as quickly as they'd been rushed inside moments earlier. It was great! By the end of the night, we'd performed for nearly 50 people (some adults came, too) and we were dancing and being goofy and enjoying pure synergy long after the last group of trick-or-treat'ers left. It was such a good time!

Today is Day 18 of my juice fast (Thursday), and I returned to my babysitting job at 6:30 a.m. The kids were very grumpy when they woke up. With clenched teeth, they told me at breakfast that the governor or mayor or somebody cancelled Halloween. Technically, I know that families in my town were encouraged to postpone trick-or-treating until Saturday. But the girls used the word "cancelled" with such ferocity, it scared me. I tried to explain that it was probably dangerous to trick-or-treat with downed trees and power lines all over, and most people (including them) still without power. I also explained that some people's homes floated out into the ocean. But the kids had no sympathy for other people or the worn terrain. So I eventually accepted their stance, that life was completely unfair and meaningless, and the governor or mayor or somebody, very dumb and insensitive.

I struggled with my diet today, probably due to fatigue, but I didn't cheat. Yet. I ate cantaloupe for breakfast, then made two carrot/apple/ginger/grape/celery juices during the late morning. I ate an avocado during the early afternoon, and indulged in two shots of Fire Cider. I'm hoping that will be enough to hold me over until bedtime.

I'm down to 128 lbs, and I've hit a plateau. I haven't really lost any weight since a week ago. Actually, last week I staggered between 129-130, and this week I'm staggering between 128-129. Only 1 lb down! Kind of frustrating! Weight loss isn't the goal of this juice fast, but it's still hugely important to me. I'd like to see a 125 on the scale just for kicks. Or a 120 for a walk down memory lane (I got down to 112.5 lbs the summer after my freshman year of college but I had used amphetamines, starvation, and occasional binge/purge tactics. I'll save that discussion for another blog).

Anyways, I guess I should have a specific weight loss goal, though my goal of feeling better has already been reached. I don't get groggy, even when I'm tired. It's weird. It's like I'm mentally sharp and focused all the time. I'm calm and in the moment, like a true Yogi or Zen master. But I'd like the scale to reflect some of my Gandhi-like efforts. Okay. I'm going for it. I'm going to set a goal to get down to 120 lbs by the end of this fast. That's 8 lbs in the next 12 days. Oh wait, that's unrealistic and unhealthy. I'll say 124 lbs. That would still be cool.

I've also started to think about what I'll eat on Day 31. I can't really taste food, and it made me feel awful when I cheated and ate pizza on Day 7, and the only foods I've enjoyed in cheats since then are roasted veggies. So I think I'll incorporate cooked veggies after this fast ends, but I can't imagine ever going back to meat or dairy, or bread for that matter. I'll make an exception for small portions of unhealthy but highly flavored foods, like sushi with ginger and wasabi, or green tofu curry at the local Thai restaurant - anything with lots of herbs and fresh flavors and spices. Calamari with olives/banana peppers/capers/garlic. This is stuff I can taste, and the thought of it is making me salivate immensely. I need to stop here.

Juice Fast Days 13-14

I must confess I ate some raw fruits and veggies around midnight on Day 12. I had carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, and pineapple chunks at a Potluck Halloween Party where luckily someone brought a fruit and veggie platter. I brought ten Wendy's burgers. I was dressed up as the Wendy's girl. My outfit came together real well and very last-minute, after trying unsuccessfully to dress up as Pippi Longstocking all afternoon. I just couldn't quite pull it off without overalls, but I had a blue and black striped shirt and matching knee socks which better resembled Dave Thomas' daughter. I looked just like her, even freckled my face with eyeliner and had the red side braids wig. I walked into a Wendy's to order five burgers and they gave me five free ones, just because I'm cool like that.

On day 13 (Saturday) I went to Yoga in the morning then to a farmer's market for some apples and green peppers. The green peppers were on sale for 50 cents/lb! I got like 10 peppers for a dollar. Then I came home and juiced some with carrots/ginger/clementines. I also ate a banana. Then during the afternoon I made more apple/green pepper juice and mixed it with yesterday's batch of the glowing green smoothie. Unlike juice, which can only stay potent in the fridge for a few hours, the glowing green smoothie stays good in the fridge (covered) for up to 2 1/2 days. So I'm going to start making batches that will last 2-3 days, and try to drink at least one small cup each evening because it truly fills me up.

Saturday night I kind of cheated. I went out to a place in my town called Fat Belly's where a local virtuoso guitar player/singer named Mance was playing. My friend ordered a Cosmo. The waitress was awkward. I asked her what was in the sweet potato bisque, and she replied ever so slowly, "Umm... sweet potato.. I think they use onions... and a few other things mixed in..."

So I asked if there were any dairy product used in the bisque (I assumed so, but wanted to make sure), and she just stared blankly at me. It was intense. She was refusing to politely answer my question, even with an I don't know. And she waited me out, as if I might withdraw my question or apologize altogether for asking it. But I stared back at her until she cracked, and she went to ask the cook. When she returned, she confirmed there was cream in the bisque. So I passed on the soup, and asked her if they served a veggie of the day, and she again stared blankly at me for an awkward amount of time.

This woman didn't know I had been juicing, and that I was dead sober and calm, so I eyeballed her back without blinking for more than several seconds, until she replied, "Umm... we don't have like... a veggie of the day... or a separate side of veggies... we don't sell just sides of veggies..." and she refused to put punctuation on her answer, so I waited until she finally averted her gaze to my friend, and my friend politely asked for a few more minutes.

She returned and I tried to redeem my seemingly bitchy self. I'd read a book over the summer called "Skinny Bitch," and there was a warning at the end: Don't be bitchy when you get skinny. So I ordered a veggie wrap, and she offered to hold the cheese, and I said, "Oh yes, thank you," and smiled.

My veggie wrap came with a side salad with dressing on the side. What I did was, I took the veggies out of my veggie wrap and mixed them with the dry side salad and ate it. I discarded the actual bread part of the wrap and the dressing, which my friend actually picked at and enjoyed. But the veggies in the wrap definitely had some oil and salt, so it was a cheat. I enjoyed it very much.

Today on day 14 (Sunday) I had the last of Friday's glowing green smoothie batch for breakfast. I mixed an extra scoop of Boku in and drank it on my way to church, where I also ate a communion wafer and drank a tiny shot glass of white grape juice. It didn't send me running to the bathroom like last week. My stomach handled it just fine.

At 5:00 today, some hunger pangs kicked in and I had a banana. I may splurge and have one more thing tonight. I'm feeling tempted to cheat. I'm hungry man. Today is really testing me. I had three shot glasses of Fire Cider yesterday and will probably have another three tonight. I am hooked on that stuff bad.

The birds have been going nuts today. Black swarms of birds just flying chaotically all over the place. Hurricane Sandy is coming, but she'll mainly hit south of here. I hope all you New Englanders stay safe and dry and get a day or two off work. If you're stuck inside for a couple days and you have small children, try to make time for yourself to do deep breathing exercises and stretch.

Juice Fast Days 11-12: Pooping and Weight Loss

We all have undigested fecal matter stuck to the inside of our intestines (See Kimberly Snyder's Beauty Detox Solution). This is why our bowel movements as adults are often smaller than young children's turds.

Did you know that floating poop contains fat? Next time you endure a sweaty workout, pay attention to your excrement the following morning. It should float! You might even notice light yellow coloring in the poop, which is fat! Woo hoo! Very dark stool could be an indication of an ulcer, or too much iron in your diet, but more often than not it is just an indication of general laziness about your health and diet, and you can fix that. If there is blood in your stool, see a doctor. Green stool can be a result of eating too much spinach or other green vegetables, but is usually an indication of your food passing through you too quickly. What makes poop brown is bile, which is secreted by the liver. If your food passes through before the bile has time to do its job, you'll usually end up with greenish diarrhea. You can clean your liver with a supplement called Milk Thistle, though you probably have something else going on apart from the liver. Also, liver cancer is very rare in the US compared to other countries, so unless you're a heavy drinker or 90 years old, you probably don't have to worry about your liver.  Read more about poop colors here.

As our intestines age, one of the best ways to clean them out is through a juice fast. Another way to combat the undigested/partially digested fecal matter stuck to our insides is to get a colonic. I recommend a gravity colonic - look it up and start saving your money. I opted to start out with a juice fast.

I juiced all sorts of fruits and veggies for 30 days, and pretty much stuck to it. There were a couple slips, or cheats. Lots of really stinky poop came out during the fast. Some was like diarrhea, some was hard little pieces and ball-like chunks, there were all shades of yellow and brown, and some of my dumps looked to have foreign pieces of matter in them.

It was creepy and sobering to think all that nastiness had been stuck inside me for possibly decades. When poo is dried out and stuck inside you, it can be toxic to the body. Pieces of this encrusted foreign undigested matter, courtesy of GMO's and fast food and microwaves, is poisoning us as a nation. There are chemicals allowed in our America food supply that are banned all-together from other countries. Read more here.

As new food comes down your pipes, little pieces of the old, encrusted poo sometimes break away and float around the body. This self-poisoning can cause fatigue and depression, along with ugliness. Whenever I've done a cleansing or fast, I notice my skin get pasty white or yellowish. My rosy hue is gone. This is because the pieces of poo are breaking off more rapidly during a cleanse or fast, and they interrupt normal blood supply to your brain and skin surfaces. Deal with the ugliness. It's worth it.

After about 10 days of my juice fast, I felt beautiful again. I learned to respect natural foods, and look forward to the sweetness of fresh juiced apples and melons and tropical fruits like never before. I also learned that when not fasting, I should always have fruit in the morning anyways, because fruit needs to be eaten on an empty stomach. Fruit digests in 30 minutes and if you have something else in your stomach, it will cause a traffic jam and the fruit will be stuck inside you too long and it will ferment and turn into stinky farts.

Fruit also cleanses, and eating it first thing in the morning while your body is in its deepest stages of cleansing is not only good for you, but it saves energy your body would otherwise use up digesting a dense meal like eggs and bacon. You may as well plan on taking an afternoon nap everyday if you can't give up your hefty breakfasts. I should add that organic stone ground oatmeal is fine, and will digest in such a way as to give you more energy. But eat fruit, or at least a little piece of fruit, 30 minutes before consuming the oatmeal.

When I used to eat pizza, I wouldn't poop for days. So I suspected I had a slight intolerance to lactose. I now take a lactase enzyme for that. I also will be incorporating a daily probiotic into my daily life to help me digest all meals better. Our organs have a limited number of enzyme secretions they can give us before they fail, so any help we can give them through our lifetime is dire. I will also be eating a couple bites of pickled cabbage or Kimchi with my meals, since those food items are a cheaper but as-effective substitute for a daily probiotic.

It's important not to snack on too many different foods in a short amount of time. It causes a traffic jam and makes you gassy, tired, crampy, and constipated. It causes all sorts of problems. I recommend spacing out your food intake throughout the day, and giving up any "big meal." You don't have to sit down and have meat and potatoes for dinner. In fact, you shouldn't be eating meat at all, unless it comes from an animal that was grass or organic-grain fed. Read the book Skinny Bitch. It will blow your mind. They exploit the meat and dairy industry, as well as coffee, aspartame (and other carcinogenic sweeteners) and a host of other foods or ingredients you never had a clue were keeping you fat and miserable. And while you're at it, get the sequel cookbook, Skinny Bitch in the Kitch. 

Coffee is an addictive substance, and we can all agree it's not good to have an addiction. It's also a highly treated crop, sprayed with all sorts of deadly chemicals. And the caffeine isn't good for you either. The coffee industry has spent billion of dollars funding research that shows coffee is good for you, but these research studies are highly biased and done under faulty controls. Give up the coffee. Natural News recently published an article on a study that shows heavy coffee drinkers under the age of 55 have more than a 50% increased risk of dying from all causes. Read here.


Back to pooping, and the best way to get your pipes clean. Juicing naturally cleans your body of built up undigested fecal matter that has lined the inside of your intestinal walls for possibly decades. When all that encrusted poop breaks away from your intestines, future poop will be able to easily flow through. If you've ever seen how large a child's bowel movement is, you'll understand what is possible to discard from your own body once your pipes are clean.

If you're scared about jumping into a full fledged juice fast, I've got some advice for you. Get over yourself. You're doing your body a favor. You cripple yourself everyday you don't begin the juice fast. If you had a loved one who needed a blood donor and your blood matched their's, and the doctor told you that the blood transfusion would only work if you fasted for 3 days beforehand, you wouldn't even stop to think about grieving your coffee and donuts and dinners and snacks. You would just do it. So. You can do it. We've established that. Now go buy a juicer and some organic produce and get started. You may want to read Sharon Daniels' A Beginner's Guide to Juicing for juice recipe ideas.

Did I mention that the juice fast will cause you to poop? A lot?  Especially by the third or fourth day. It keeps coming! You will be amazed at how full of shit you are! HA!

Warning: You may experience boredom, zoning out, food thoughts that won't go away, not-all-there'ness, headaches from processed sugar and caffeine withdrawal, fatigue, and anxiety. That's great! Your mental energy and physical energy is being spent cleaning your organs and ridding your body of encrusted toxic undigested poo. Sit through it. Plan activities that don't require you to exert yourself. Read books, take naps, watch movies, find little organizational tasks around the house. You need to occupy yourself with something otherwise you will just sit there and go crazy.

If you have a problem with pooping too much, see a doctor. You may have cancer. Colon cancer is the number one cancer in the US. Coincidence? Nope. Clean out that poo!

Cancer is also the leading cause of childhood death in this country. We need to stop feeding our kids (well, your kids. I'm single and childless), toxic poison for breakfast (poptarts), processed meats for lunch (hot dogs and lunchables - thank you school cafeteria food!), and microwaved dinners. Enough is enough. Read more here, and also order the documentary Genetic Roulette here. This documentary will teach you everything you need to know about genetically modified foods.  

If you have lived your life experiencing pain when you poop, see a doctor. He can at least take a look up there. But if you can't afford to (thank you Obamacare website for not working!) try changing your diet. You might fear that juice will cause too much pooping, and more pain, and that is probably true, but remember the famous proverb, "this too shall pass." Eventually you will get all the poop out, and the juice will cleanse you, heal you, and digest mostly, if not fully as pee.  If you buy a Jack LaLanne juicer, you won't get much fiber. If pooping hurts you, you don't want the fiber, so a juicer like this is great. If you want the fiber (which will really help scrape that undigested fecal matter away more aggressively while also helping you feel full), go for it. I am using a Jack LaLanne only because I couldn't afford one of the nicer whole food pulverizing juicers. Someday.

I also recommend you visit NaturalNews.com everyday.  You can also "like" them on FaceBook and see their daily posts. They supply very current, educational health tips and they let you know what the FDA is getting sued over, and basic food recalls and ingredient warnings. Recently they had a story about McDonald's going out of business in the entire country of Bolivia, because the people banded together and boycotted it for so long. I'd like to see that happen in the US. It will have to pretty soon, because all the McDonalds' patrons are going to have to die before their time.



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Original post before editing (some good stuff I didn't want to let go of!)


I'm perfectly content with everything. Granted nobody's died and I have no real stress in my life, given I'm single and childless.

I watched A Baby Story on TLC a couple days ago and was thinking about all the poking and prodding pregnant women go through, and I thought, that is something I could never do. The woman in the episode got induced and I was sick to my stomach just thinking about having fluid pumped up my pee hole to put pressure on my bladder. A juice fast is easy compared to that.

Yesterday on Day 11 I ate a banana and juiced some apples/carrots/ginger/lemon/pear/celery for breakfast. Around mid-afternoon I juiced a golden zucchini squash/carrots/celery/apple for an early dinner. By dinnertime I wasn't even hungry, so I didn't make my glowing green smoothie or even indulge in a glass of coconut almond milk. I didn't have any Fire Cider either, my other new indulgence. I've just felt so... content. Not extremely happy or energetic, just balanced.

Today on Day 12 I juiced my typical morning fruits and will blend my glowing green smoothie later.

I want to take a minute to address weight loss. Some people think juicing is a great way to lose weight. Not! Heavy weight boxers and Sumo wrestlers typically juice to gain weight. You can pack a lot of calories and sugar into a morning fruit juice especially.

Juicing initially causes you to poop a lot. This poop is not your typical poop. It's undigested fecal matter that has lined your intestinal walls for years. The loosening of all this sludge makes you tired, moody, and ugly. The sludge gets broken up and enters the bloodstream and goes everywhere, even in the tiny veins in your face, so you might not want to look in the mirror on your first couple days of juicing.

But eventually you poop all the sludge out. That's one reason people lose a lot of weight the first time they do a juice fast. Then your entire digestive tract is clean and working more efficiently. But if you work your way up to a 30 or 60 day juice fast (The documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead suggests a 60-90 day juice fast), your body will cannibalize its own fat and you'll get very skinny. So weight loss with juicing can be a long-term goal, but not a short-term one.

Everyone has a certain weight they want to stay under. For me, that number is 140 lbs. In high school I got up to 150 lbs once, but mostly kept it around 135. Now at 31 years old, my ideal weight is 130. And today I weighed in at 129 lbs. I feel good about this, but not great. Let me explain why:

On my first 3 day juice fast in July, I dropped 7 lbs. Then gained it back in 2 weeks.

On my 10 day juice fast in August, I dropped 10 lbs. And gained it back in a month.

Here I am on day 12 of my 30 day juice fast, and I've barely lost 7 or 8 lbs. This is because I pooped out all my internal caked-on gunk during my first 2 juice fasts.  If you really want to know, I have only pooped twice this week. And it's Friday. One dump run was due to cheating on Sunday with 3 slices of vegan gluten-free pizza and some soup and calamari. And the second poo came after drinking the glowing green smoothie 2 days ago. Otherwise, if I'm just juicing, I'm just peeing. It's nice to know my intestines are clean. And my body is beginning to cannibalize its own fat now, because my fat intake is limited to an occasional banana or half avocado a few days a week, and my caloric intake is under 1,000 calories/day. I don't feel at all restricted. And my cravings are gone. My taste buds have been desensitized, which I realized after cheating on day 7 with pizza and such, and not enjoying it very much. Everything tasted like cardboard, though the texture of the pizza crust and the garlic/olives/banana peppers on the calamari was enjoyable. I can taste strong natural herbs/seasonings and enjoy doing so with the Fire Cider I discovered. I'll probably sip on a shot glass of Fire Cider tonight. Just thinking about it makes my mouth fill to the brim with saliva.

I can taste my juices, too. But cereal, cookies, candy, bread, pasta, pancakes, meat, cheese, rice, ice cream... none of these things cross my mind anymore. I look at them and prepare meals while babysitting and experience smells but no internal trigger to eat or desire them. They don't even seem like food. Just cardboard. Things taking up space in the pantry. Not the temptations they were just a couple weeks ago.

If you have any personal questions about doing a juice fast, feel free to Follow me on FaceBook

Leaving a comment below is problematic because one you've typed your question, it will disappear if you aren't logged into gmail. I've had several readers complain they lost their question or comment and didn't even get a prompt or warning to sign in. Sorry to those of you this happened to. I'd love to hear from you via email in the future if you'd like to chat about your health concerns.





















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Juice Fast Days 9-10

Day 9 was amazing. I experienced no energy crashes at work and kept on my feet for most of a 10 hour babysitting shift. The three little girls have all been calmer and nicer to me lately, so they must sense a difference in me too. Or maybe they're just as wild and I'm just more okay with it. It's hard to tell when I'm floating through the day, unaffected by any negative thing.

I'm floating here on day 10 as well. I don't work on Wednesdays, and my mother called this morning at 8:30 and awoke me from a nightmare. I dreamed the three-year-old I care for fell and bumped her head then sat up with changed eyes and Down's Syndrome. So I was happy to be awoken. My mom called to tell me she's mailing me a winter coat and then we chatted for an hour. Then when I got off the phone, I peeled back my covers and poked my nose down my sweatshirt and took a whiff, and I noticed a stench, and remembered I'd taken a break from wearing antiperspirant since Sunday, and promptly showered and deodorized. I don't like to wear the clinical stuff everyday because it would be very unhealthy to do so, and I have natural deodorant from my local health food store, but I find I still need to apply the clinical strength stuff every few days. Even Dr. Oz said you need the aluminum to kill the bacteria (as opposed to covering up the smell with deodorant alone). I was at a live taping of his show last winter when he talked about it. He had also mentioned there are drops you can put in your toilet that hold poop smells inside the water after the poop plops in. Neat.

After showering I went out and had two new front tires put on. They were expensive! Just Coopers, a mediocre brand and model, and All-Seasons, not special winter or studded tires, but they cost $105 each, with an extra $12 per tire for removal/mounting/balancing! The mechanic said it's because I have a size 16 tire, which is close to truck-sized.

I haven't been hungry or thirsty at all these past two days. Both days I had decaf organic green tea in the morning, then juiced apples, carrots, ginger, and lemon for a mid-morning breakfast. And both afternoons I had the glowing green smoothie (blended fresh spinach, romaine, parsley, and granny smith apple with coconut milk and a scoop of Boku). I also added some fresh mixed greens from Saturday's farmers market. Kimberly Snyder's actual "Glowing Green Smoothie" recipe says to mix with water, but I use coconut milk to accommodate my own personal tastes, and the addition of Boku is just to ensure extra nutrition. You could buy any green superfood powder at your local health food store and try it in various smoothie concoctions until you find something you can tolerate. I don't enjoy the taste of the glowing green smoothie, but its ability to taper hunger is uncanny. It's also highly nutritious. Fruit cleanses but vegetables deposit nutrition. And by blending greens, I get the roughage and fiber that my juicer discards.

I am loving a new product I just tried called "Fire Cider." It contains: apple cider vinegar, honey, orange, lemon, onion, horseradish root, ginger root, habanero pepper, garlic, and tumeric. All the ingredients are certified organic. It naturally cures colds and hangovers, but I've been sipping a shot glass of it everyday since Saturday just for the taste. The flavor is a mouth party and the spicy heated kick it gives my entire body is orgasmic. You can also use it in salad dressings, BBQ sauces, and bloody mary's. I already ordered four more bottles online from FireCider.com, after pricing it at my local health food store and finding they charge quite a bit more than the website. It has 10 calories/tbsp and no fat - just a wonderful blend of flavors. This kind of discovery makes healthy living really exciting.

Other healthy discoveries happen when I find something sinful I love to eat, in a vegan and gluten-free form. Restaurants and cafe's are popping up and jumping on the health nut wagon, so keep your eyes posted and search around on Google. Explore your local supermarket's gluten-free and organic snack food aisles, too. There's new stuff coming out every week.

You can even take it a step further and search websites that will deliver healthy versions of your favorite unhealthy foods for a few dollars more, and it's a very worthwhile investment once you find something you love. Or try making your own healthy meals from scratch. If you love pizza, King Arthur does make a gluten-free flour, and they have a recipe for gluten free pizza dough at www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/gluten-free-pizza-crust-recipe

I'll elaborate on gluten another time, but in a nutshell I believe it's poison. Gluten is the Latin word for glue, and is found in lots of beauty care products, as well as in most breads, pastas, and cereals. Several million people in the U.S. alone have already been diagnosed with gluten intolerance ("Celiac Disease") but millions more haven't been diagnosed yet. Virtually anything you like that contains gluten, can also be purchased or made gluten-free. Let me suggest as an alternative to your favorite granola bars, try Larabars. They come in over 20 flavors and are naturally gluten-free and sold in most grocery stores. Rice Crispy cereal is one of several naturally gluten-free cereals, and there are hundreds of varieties of gluten free pastas and breads popping up on the internet and in grocery stores. Not to mention thousands of gluten free recipes for muffins and cakes and virtually anything you'd bake at home, at your fingertips with a Google search.

In other news, I'm off to a yoga class shortly and very much looking forward to it. Especially because I told a guy friend of mine that it was an easy class (it's actually very challenging) and I've been laughing mischievously to myself all day imagining him when he shows up and gets deep into some of the crazy twists and binds the Wednesday night teacher takes us into. The teacher's name is Lori, and I absolutely love all her classes, but when I first attended one of her classes about two years ago, I got very angry and was sore for a week (sorry Lori!) but she knows what she's doing, and I can't get enough of Yoga now. Last week she walked over and leaned her weight against my back as I was sitting on the floor and stretching forward, and my belly ended up touching the floor and it felt great. She said it was called "The Bone Crusher." She rocks.

Beginner Juicers: What To Expect

Hey thanks for checking out this very special blog entry! This should help you mentally prepare for your very own 3-day juice fast.

If you can complete a 3-day juice fast, you can go even longer. It's the first two days that really hurt.

I want to share some excerpts from a columnist who didn't realize how hard a 3-day juice fast would be.

Joe Donatelli is a freelance writer who bought special pressed juices from a juicery for a 3-day juice fast. (I on the other hand, recommend you buy a juicer. Jack LaLanne juicers are around a hundred bucks, and I found a used one for twenty. Breville makes an even better juicer, for easier cleaning and more efficient juicing and optional pulp pulverizing depending on which model you buy).

Even with the convenience of buying prepackaged pressed juices, Donatelli still had a very hard time, just like you will. The following is from his article, "The 5 Stages Of A Juice Fast."

Stage 1: Optimism
Though a little nervous, I was excited about taking on a new challenge... I was surprised at how good the drink tasted... I had another juice mid-morning—also tasty. Good start. I remember thinking, “this won’t be bad.” Which, of course, is exactly what people think right before something goes bad...

Stage 2: Extreme Hunger
Stage 1 lasts three hours. By lunchtime I was hungrier than usual, and after lunch I was starving...   All I could think about was food—the food in our home, the food in restaurants, even the food my dog ate. I craved distraction because, not to get all technical on you, but my body was freaking the hell out... 

Stage 3: Uprising
Jesus, I was hungry. Right about this time, my stomach kicked the discomfort up a notch and began cramping. It was the first of about a dozen cramping sessions I’d experience during the fast... I also had short, intermittent headaches... But the most difficult part physically—and I’ll put this as delicately as I can—was how much Sports Illustrated I read. Sports Illustrated is my official read of sit-down bathroom trips. Starting the afternoon of Day 2, I began to read Sports Illustrated with increased frequency. As the cleanse wore on, I spent more time with NFL writer Peter King than his wife does... I experienced some changes mentally, too. On the drive to the library, my wife asked me a simple question, and it took several seconds for me to respond. The small hamster wheel between my ears was turning way slower than usual.

Stage 4: Doubt

Late in the afternoon on Day 2, I began to seriously question whether I could make it all three days. I started bargaining. Is it cheating if I have just one apple? I was miserable with hunger. The juices gave me energy but not satisfaction...I put myself to bed around 7 p.m. that second night. I thought that maybe I could sleep through the next 48 hours like a deep space traveler, and when I woke up it would all be over and I could eat a burrito the size of a football. That didn’t work... the one thing that had helped me push through toughest bouts of hunger during the fast: post a morning update to Facebook. Looking back, the daily messages I’d sent to friends and family—and the encouragement I’d received in response—may have been the main reason I didn’t quit. I didn’t want to disappoint them.

Stage 5: Triumph

Day 3 is widely viewed as the breakthrough day by cleansing advocates. It sure was for me. I felt less “sensitive,” worked a full day with my usual amount of energy, and while I was still hungry, it was less intense than it had been on the previous two days... By Day 3 the body knows where it’s getting its calories from (juice and stored fat) and adjusts accordingly... I’ve been told by a few veteran juicers that if you can make it to Day 3, you can go many more.

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You can access the entire article at:
http://www.thehumorcolumnist.com/humor-columns/

Juice Fast Day 8

So I cheated (severely) on day 7 with soup, calamari, 3 slices of pizza, and several bites of Thai Green Curry with rice. It was awesome while it lasted. But day 8 sucked. Bad. I felt like crap when I woke up. I decided there was no question about returning to this old familiar lifestyle of waking up feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stiff. So I started the day with some organic decaf green tea, which I've been drinking all summer. (It's a super cleanser discussed in the book Skinny Bitch).

Then around mid-morning I ate a banana.

At lunch time I juiced apples, cantaloupe, pineapple, strawberries, and some carrot and celery. It filled a short wide plastic cup and was very sweet and yummy.

Then around mid-afternoon, I decided to use my blender to blend an orange with its peel still on. I'd seen it done online as part of a blender experiment. The KitchenAid blender, which I own, did the best job of four blenders blending a whole orange.

Also, I had a massage at the Ocean House in Southern RI this summer and the masseuse told me about a professional development workshop he attended, where he learned that cures for diseases are being found in the peels of fruits and veggies, including pineapple peels. He said he owns a high end blender and incorporates otherwise inedible peels into his daily smoothies.

My friend Fred also said he'd heard of making orange juice with whole oranges, peel still in tact.

So I figured, why not? I went ahead and blended an orange with its peel still on, and poured something that looked remarkably thick, creamy, and bright into my cup. But when I tried it, I nearly threw-up.

Now listen to me. I've drinken some disgusting things lately. Powdered seaweed drinks mixed with water, blended salads without any dressing, veggie juices with beets and kale. But this whole orange juice peel drink topped the disgusting charts and surpassed any wretched thing that's gone into my mouth ever. Well maybe there's one exception but I won't go there. It was unthinkably offensive to my entire being. You couldn't pay me to drink it again.

I poured the orange drink back into the blender and tried to redeem it. I added some coconut milk and another orange without the peel, some pineapple, and some more water, and re-blended. It was even worse, if possible. And now there was more of it to drink or waste. So I then added a scoop of my Boku green powdered superfood to it, hoping the seaweed flavor would mask the orange peel flavor, and re-blended. And again, just as horrible as ever. I filled not one, but two wide plastic cups and put them in the fridge. All afternoon, I forced down gulps of one cup until I finished it. I took the other cup home for dinner, but had one sip and decided I'd rather starve, and dumped it down the drain. The memory of the taste is still haunting me as I write about it, so I'll move on now.

There was one good thing about Day 8. I went to an evening yoga class after work from 6:30-8:00 at the Y. It was the best yoga class I've ever been to. The teacher, Lori, had just returned from a weekend anatomy conference, and she had lots of new poses, counterposes, binds, and twists to lead us through. The room was dark and the Indian music was enchanting. I went home and took a hot shower, then put on my snuggie and lay down to read. I got through about two pages before falling asleep in my reading position with my light still on. It was three hours later, around midnight, I awoke and turned off my little lamp and went back to bed for another seven hours.

Waking up this morning on Day 9 felt remarkable. I didn't have to be at work until 8:00 (as opposed to 6:30), and my body feels like it's floating through the air as I walk. This is the feeling I read about and never achieved on my first 3 and 10 day juice fasts this summer. It came this morning. I'm almost out of spiritual breath from all the Thank You Jesus's I've internally repeated all morning. But I weighed myself and I'm still staggering at 130.5 lbs. The 120's will be tough and emotional. I might go crazy. And I'll certainly enter them in the next day or two. We'll see.

Juice Fast Days 6-7

I had an interesting weekend. On Saturday (day 6) I awoke very early to a phone call from my doctor, and he insisted I go back on my Synthroid medication. I agreed, and felt rather stupid as he explained how ridiculous my blood results were. I told him I thought I could cure my thyroid with healthy lifestyle changes. He said bluntly, "Nope. When you're hypothyroid you're hypothyroid." Then he called in my prescription and I picked it up and took a pill.

Afterwards I juiced some apples and carrots for breakfast, went to a yoga class, then to a farmers market, then juiced tomatoes and golden zucchini squash for lunch, and followed up with some raw veggies for dinner. My roommates were having people over for tacos, so I had some of the fixings (shredded lettuce and diced tomatoes), with some of my own blanched broccoli and zucchini, as well as a half avocado and some pickled cabbage.

On Sunday morning I woke up and juiced apples, celery, and a carrot. I went to church and partook of the tiny communion wafer and grape juice, and had to run to the bathroom immediately. After church I found a place selling gas for $3.69/gallon and filled up. Then I drove home and met up with a friend. She wanted to go out and get some seafood. I explained to her I was on a 30 day juice fast. She had a look of disappointment cross her face, and then I felt bad, and said, "Well, this is my seventh day. And it's Sunday. Jesus rested on the Sabbath. Maybe I can take a break from my fast as well."

Just at that moment, several white fluffy clouds parted and the sun blasted me with light. I was blinded. My friend shielded her eyes with her hand and said she couldn't look at me because I was so bright. We started to laugh, and she insisted this was a sign from God that I should indeed take a day of rest from my fast.

That said, we went out to Crazy Burger in Narragansett (a restaurant featured on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives) and I had a bowl of Vegan sweet potato and corn chowda. I also ordered a grapefruit juice, since they have a juicer there. My friend had a few nips of vodka in her purse and she insistingly poured at least two nips worth of vodka in my grapefruit juice during our meal. Then we shared a calamari appetizer. It was called "calitali" and was dressed with olives, garlic, roasted red peppers, and banana peppers. Although I couldn't taste my soup or grapefruit juice very well, I could taste the calitali. And it was heavenly.

Then I felt so rejuvenated and alive, I drove to Providence to meet up with my friend Fred. We went to a place called "Nice Slice" on Thayer street and I ordered a gluten free vegan pizza with their homemade tomato sauce, vegan cheese, and some garlic, onions, peppers, and basil. I had been there before and wanted Fred to experience what I believe is the yummiest pizza in the world. He didn't care for it and was unimpressed with the sauce. He said it needed garlic, which is strange, since I ordered garlic as a topping, and even with my de-sensitized taste buds, the garlic is about all I could taste. Oh well. Can't please everybody. But I ate three of the four slices, drove Fred home, and then drove back to Wakefield and stopped in to Luk Thai and ordered "Green Tofu Curry with rice four pepper hot as hell." I was so full at the time, I could only eat about five bites before asking for it to be wrapped to-go. I'll give the leftovers to a friend today.

After eating all that food Sunday, I felt physically strained. It was hard to walk. My belly, which had shrunken remarkably during the week, was suddenly dense and protruding, up above my belly button. My gut was actually smaller in circumference than my upper rib cage area. I lay down to sleep at 10:00 and fell asleep immediately, and woke up at 5:30 a.m. feeling like I'd taken a strong pain killer and melted into my bed. I peeled myself up promptly though, packed my juicer and some produce into my car,  showered, then went to work.

After that splurge of eating yesterday, and not being able to taste much, I'm excited to get back into my juicing regimen. I may even become a full-on raw vegan after this 30 day fast ends. Eating isn't very exciting, compared to feeling healthy, light, and energetic. And I don't think I'll take another sabbath rest day. It's not worth it when you can't taste much.

Hypothyroidism

Update Feb 2014: I am officially off my Synthroid and going to try a second time to cure my hypothyroidism naturally.

I actually sat down and researched natural cures for hypothyroidism this time. I started a Facebook community page dedicated to testimonials called Curing Hypothyroidism Naturally. Please like and share your testimonial if you have cured your hypothyroidism naturally. There are other popular hypothyroidism Facebook community pages, but they are full of posted questions and little answers. I want my page to be a community of people with answers that others can come, take notes, and heal themselves and share their stories.

I have taken Synthroid (a high dose of 125 mcg / .125 mg) daily for 5 years. No more. I ordered nascent iodine from the Natural News store. Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, has been publishing results of heavy metal toxicity in health food and supplements and I recommend you checkout those studies (the links are posted at the end of this blog). 

Mike Adams (thank you Jesus for that man!) helps inform people on the cleanest sources of iodine and seaweed supplements along with other nutrition pills and powders by doing lab testing for heavy metals in products. Seaweed supplements (such as wakame and kelp) naturally contain iodine and are great supplements for those who are iodine deficient, but some products are tainted with arsenic and lead and other nasties. So research the cleanest supplements before purchasing anything. Links to Mike Adams' research findings are listed at the bottom of this blog.

Secondly, I researched iodine. This study was more eye-opining than any nutrition knowledge I've undertaken to date. Go to youtube and watch some experts speak about the benefits of iodine and the dangers of iodine deficiency, and you too will quickly be willing to spend less than $40 on a 3 year supply of nascent iodine like I did. Or you can get a 10 year supply from the natural news store for around $100. 

Stock up people. Iodine naturally protects the thyroid from free radicals, neutralizes fluoride and other nasty heavy metals like bromine and mercury in the body, and protects the thyroid from environmental radiation. Babies born to pregnant moms who supplemented with atomic iodine have an IQ average of 30-40 points higher than the birth parents. And the list goes on and on.

So here is what I purchased: I used two online stores: iherb.com and store.naturalnews.com

1. From iherb.com I bought two enzyme supplements: L-Arginine and L-Tyrosine. They were very inexpensive but help with thyroid function. I also bought hemp fiber and a thyroid support pill.  (use coupon code WCB515 to save $10 on your first purchase at iherb.com). I also ordered hemp oil just for fun. It seemed like it would be good for me overall.

2. From the Natural News store I purchased a bottle of nascent iodine,chlorella tabs, and Enerfood. 

The nascent iodine is in a dropper bottle and I'll take 2 drops a day in water (there is about a quarter milligram of atomic iodine per drop, so that makes for a half milligram daily in 2 drops). The dropper bottle has almost a thousand servings (2,000 drops) so this will last me 3 years and it cost me $35. Iodine is essential for everyone, not just people with hypothyroidism, though hypothyroidism is most commonly associated with iodine deficiency so it's a must for people like me.

Professionals tend to disagree about how much iodine is safe to take, but the vast majority (if not all), agree the best form of supplemental iodine is the atomic form called "nascent iodine." Some doctors recommend upwards of 50 mg atomic iodine per day but this is just too much. Trust me. I've done my research. Stick to a half milligram to up to 4 milligrams per day. I started with the recommended 2 drop serving (equaling 1/2 mg) and didn't feel any energy boost which was something most people who take iodine enjoy about it. I upped it to 4 drops (1 mg) and felt a little something. So I'm guessing my 3 year supply will end up only lasting 2 years. I may increase my drops to 2 mg (6 drops) and the bottle will last a year. Still, at $35 for a one year supply of a vital, life-changing nutrient is worth every penny to me.

You can test for iodine deficiency by using a cotton ball to rub USP tincture iodine on a soft fleshy part of your body like inner thigh or upper arm or lower belly, wait a couple hours, and if it disappeared into your skin, you are deficient! Never orally consume this kind of iodine, as it is not pure and contains poisonous toxins if ingested!

Those with Hashimoto's Disease may be more sensitive to iodine supplementation but do your own research. There are lots of great YouTube videos out there. Infowars host Alex Jones interviewed a very highly esteemed nutritional expert named Dr. Edward F. Group just a couple years ago and they talk about fluoride poisoning, environmental radiation, and the need for iodine supplementation is this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=409V46eXGHs

Feel free to like my FaceBook page "Curing Hypothyroidism Naturally" if you have a success story to share. As of this posting update, I have just created the page and have yet to see the first testimonial of someone curing their hypothyroidism naturally. So maybe you can be the first to start this mini-revolution! Like the page and share your story! I'd love to hear it and get a successful natural thyroid health community rolling!

Below is my original blog posted when I first attempted to cure my hypothyroidism with a 30 day juice fast. I didn't realize at the time that it takes upwards of 12 months to cure the disease, and that I needed more sea vegetables and iodine. 

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(Posted in 2012:)
Four years ago I had good health insurance for the first time in my life, and I found a female doctor and scheduled a visit. She did a routine check-up and gyno exam, and she felt my throat and was concerned. She ordered all kinds of blood work, and when the results came in, she diagnosed me as hypothyroid. She put me on a thyroid prescription called Levothyroxine. A couple months later she ran blood work and my levels were still showing an underactive thyroid. She increased my dosage. We ran blood work again. Still not much of an improvement. She then switched me to the brand name Synthroid and ran bloodwork again.  A little improvement but no cigar. She upped me to a pretty fairly high dosage, .125 mg (or 125 mcg) and that did the trick. My blood work came back normal.  I took the pill daily for three years.

But 5 months ago I stopped taking my Synthroid pill. I thought I could heal my thyroid through healthy eating (and positive thinking, or denial, I don't know), but it turns out I failed. I had my thyroid blood levels checked this week after being off my Synthroid pill for the past almost 6 months, and my Free T4 and TSH levels were way off.

Blood test results 6 months after I stopped taking Synthroid: 

T4 Levels

My Free T4 level was way low, at 0.23 (normal is 0.8-1.9). Being this low, I was classified as having a condition called myxedema, which leads to heart failure, seizures, and coma. Since I've regularly had dizzy de ja vou-like fainting spells since I was 14, I thought maybe my undiagnosed fainting condition might be related to my low thyroid function. But this blog is not about my fainting spells. I'm just throwing that out there for kicks.

The U.S. regularly tests newborns for free T4 levels, since in infants, low levels can cause mental retardation. Left untreated, it can also stunt growth and delay sexual development. But none of these things happened to me. I am not retarded, (though my first grade teacher thought something was wrong with me), and I have grown just fine and didn't have any problem with sexual development. I got my period before all the other girls in my class. I was in sixth grade, only eleven years old. So there. Maybe I developed the thyroid problem later in adolescence.

That's when I started to have seizures. In my early teens, I started fainting. My parents took me to various doctors. All the doctors ruled out epilepsy, which my father has, ironically. But they never found my thyroid problem (which my mother and her sisters and their mother all have!). Grrrrr. Maybe I didn't have a thyroid problem in my teens. I don't remember what tests were done. But a doctor should have looked for it since it ran in my family, and since many women have thyroid problems and I had many of the symptoms of hypothyroid as I recall my adolescence years ridden with poor nutrition, constant fatique, disinterest in things, hair falling out, nails breaking, inability to lose weight even when starving myself, etc.

So I should thank the doctor who discovered my thyroid condition in 2009. Dr. Lisa Noyes-Duguay in Westerly, Rhode Island. You rock. All the rest of you doctors who scratched at your dandruff bumps while being paid a hundred dollars/hour to find out why I was seizuring and fainting all through high school, you all suck. I could write another "Embarrassing Moments" blog essay just on fainting episodes in high school alone. Once all your close peers have seen you foam at the mouth and moan like a lunatic, there's no going back to normal.

However, I've continued to have fainting spells a few times a year (and dizzy spells where I almost faint at least once per month), since being on Synthroid. So, getting my thyroid levels balanced didn't cure my mystery fainting illness.

TSH levels

For someone with hypothyroidism, the TSH levels should be higher than normal. And mine were. Normal TSH is 0.35-5.5. Mine was at 246.28. Yikes.

These blood tests for TS4 and TSH were done after I took Synthroid for a few years and then stopped taking it for 6 months. I thought I was healthier and didn't need the pill anymore, and it turned out I was wrong.

Back on the Synthroid pill I go. Maybe I need to do more research before trying this again.

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Summary (updated): Here is my plan in my second attempt to go off Synthroid and cure my hypothyroidism naturally.

1. Exercise and nutrition

Doing a 30 day juice fast, and becoming a vegetarian afterwards wasn't enough to cure my thyroid. I believe it is the iodine I needed, and am beginning a regimen of supplementing with the aforementioned nascent iodine, kelp, and enzymes.

2. Selenium and zinc

People with hypothyroidism will benefit from eating more foods rich in selenium and zinc, such as brazil nuts. Google the many foods rich in these nutrients. Never take a zinc supplement on an empty stomach. It's best to source your nutrients straight from clean foods when possible. Since I don't trust sea vegetables from the dirty Pacific Ocean, I will source seaweed nutrition from supplements where the seaweed was grown in an organic, contained environment (Clean Chlorella supplement does this).

3. Apples and pears

I've read that apples and pears eaten together help towards curing hypothyroidism.

4. What to avoid

I need to totally avoid canola oil (duh), table salt, non-organic tea, and bottom feeder fish such as krell and shellfish (though other fish is good for me). Also avoid non-organic bread that has the word "bromade" or "brominaded flour" in it.

5. Good oils and yogurt

I should try to consume at least a tsp of coconut oil and flax seed oil along with sulfur protein foods such as yogurt. I don't do the greek yogurt after I learning about Chobani being all GMO but use your own discretion when it comes to yogurt. I use organic non-greek yogurt. The greek is probably better but organic non-greek is more readily available at stores. I just get plain, whole yogurt as opposed to strawberry lowfat. You want the complete protein so get the real stuff and always go organic when it comes to dairy: whole milk, whole yogurt, whole cheese. Organic cheese is expensive, so give it up or pay up. I pay up and eat a little cheese. I love it.

Anything that says low-fat or sugar-free usually translates chemical shit storm. See the book, Skinny Bitch. If you have lactose intolerance (2 out of 3 US adults do), take a lactase digestive enzyme when consuming dairy. I don't have lactose intolerance. I gave up dairy for a year thinking it would make me healthier and when I went back to it, I felt better and had nicer, firmer poops.Yogurt also has good bacteria that lines our intestinal tract and helps break down everything else we eat that day. So try to eat yogurt in the morning. I put hemp seed and oatmeal in mine, and sometimes cinnamon and raisins if I'm having a sweet tooth.

6. Good fats

Again, I use organic whole yogurt, ghee (clarified butter), and organic whole milk, along with healthy oils as mentioned above. Fats are very important for people battling hypothyroidism. I'm beginning to wonder if trying low fat diets in high school is what led me to have a thyroid problem in the first place.

7. Fasting

Fasting is critical. There are all kinds of fasts meant to detoxify the body.  Do some research, ask around, and choose a fast that you feel you can do successfully. Maybe it will be just a 3 day fruit and vegetable fast. Maybe you will do a 48 hour water fast. Maybe a 10 day juice fast (using a juicer, not buying pasteurized juice). Maybe you will limit yourself for 30 days to organic tea, vegetables, and herbal supplements, foregoing all forms of sugar completely. Find a fast that works for you, and just get over yourself and do it. I blogged about my 30 day juice fast nearly 2 years ago and I invite you to check that out if you want to read about my reflections on that.

8. Heavy metal cleanse

Fasting will surely help remove heavy metals from the body. Heavy metals interfere with thyroid function so this is HUGE. But we can't be fasting all year long. I use Zeolite powder to daily remove heavy metals from my body slowly over time. Zeolite is a volcanic ash that is naturally magnetically ionized to attract heavy, harmful metals in our body and eliminate them through urine (and probably through poop and sweat too).

I'm also saving up to have my mercury fillings removed. If any holistic dentists are reading and feeling sorry for me, I will take a handout. I've wanted this desperately for the past year.

I do my best to avoid aluminum. I make my own deodorant and avoid aluminum cookware. I don't even use aluminum foil to wrap foods. Aluminum is also sprayed in the skies to fight global warming. This is horrible, because it ends up in the water (and air). Learn more here: http://erinboyea.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-aluminum-is-bad.html

The great thing about nascent iodine is it neutralizes heavy metals in the body, making them unable to hurt us. Woo hoo! So buy nascent iodine. Here's where I got mine: http://store.naturalnews.com/Health-Rangers-Original-Nascent-Iodine-1-fl-oz-30ml--2-Strength_p_406.html

To help eliminate aluminum, fluoride, chlorine, and other heavy metals from your home's water and air supply, buy a water filter for your bathroom shower and kitchen sink and use an air purifier and have lots of plants in your house to keep your air clean. Don't take long, hot showers because this will cause the fluoride in the water to vaporize and you will inhale it. Not good! I do hot/cold showers, where I make the water nice and hot for the first minute or two, then, taper it down and make it totally cold for a few seconds every five minutes. This also stimulates the lymphatic system which is needed for eliminating toxins out of the skin. Cold water also closes your skin pores which reduces the rate at which vaporized fluoride can be absorbed into the skin.

9. Liver cleanse

A liver cleanse is recommended because your liver washes your whole body's blood supply every 3 minutes (wow!). Washing toxic-laden blood can be taxing on your liver and make it work less efficiently. Clean the liver and you'll have cleaner blood. It's just that simple. There are a several methods to clean your liver. I chose a coffee enema to clean my liver that you can read about here: http://erinboyea.blogspot.com/2014/01/doing-coffee-enema-for-first-time.html

I don't recommend a coffee enema. It was downright awful. Instead, I take milk thistle daily. Milk thistle should be taken a few times a day on an empty stomach, so it's best to do a milk thistle regimen during a cleanse where you actually have an empty stomach 3 times a day. But for normal everyday life, I just take a pill in the morning and wait a few hours before eating.

I don't eat breakfast. And here's why you shouldn't either...

10. Give up breakfast

Give your body 16 hours between your last meal of one day and your first meal of the next day. This is the only way (apart from very rigorous exercise) that your body burns it's fat reserves. Our ancestors didn't eat 3 meals a day plus snacks. They often had 1-2 meals a day in between days of having no food at all. The way Americans typically eat, they are training their bodies to uses sugar (glycose) for energy, ignoring our fat reserves completely. When you go more than 12 hours of not eating, the body kicks into fat-burning mode. Try for 16 hours of non-eating a few times a week. Toxins stored in the fat along with heavy metals will naturally be cleaned out over time as you adapt this habit. And for most people, it beats having to do a 10 day juice fast or 3 day water fast every few months. It's not that hard to stop eating at 8pm one night and skip breakfast the next day and eat lunch at noon. Don't be a baby. Go get healthy.

11. Other helpful tips

I read that topical copper lotion is good for treating hypothyroidism A chlorophyll supplement is will help, too. Ask a holistic doctor or nutritionist about cleansing herbs and alternatives to current medications you are on. It's important to get off all prescription drugs ASAP. But you need professional nutrition advice concerning that, and I don't have all the answers when it comes to, let's say, heart disease medication. All these drugs do (and they are drugs, not natural supplements) is treat symptoms. Natural supplements treat causes. Good luck.

Here are some websites for more information:

GlobalHealingCenter.com

How To Cure Hypothyroidism Naturally

Iodine Supplementation

Sea Vegetables Lab Test and Heavy Metals Test Results: Popular Breakfast Cereals - Forensic Food Lab

Iodine Video Smart Iodine Babies

What the thyroid does

Kelp empowers the thyroid gland and encourages weight loss

Thyroid Support | Thyroid Supplements

Hashimotos Thyroiditis

Diagnosing Hashimoto's