Gluttony

Gluttony is a sin. Especially for those that know better, like me. It's a wonder anyone in this country is skinny, given the mass temptations all around. I gave into temptation today. I don't feel like writing about it. But I'm going to. I need to confess and get this off my chest.

I had a really bad eating day today.

Sidenote: The bikini pic above was taken exactly 3 years later. Yes, it took 3 more years after this gluttonous day in August of 2012 to get a grip on that last 20 lbs. And then I lost another 10 the following year after I quit drinking alcohol altogether. So now I weigh 110 instead of 140.

Seriously, it was horrible. It all started when I made breakfast for the three girls I babysit. The oldest wanted oatmeal, the youngest wanted pancakes, and the middle child wanted granola. Fine. Done.

Oh, but I think I'll step into the pantry just one more time, to make one last thing, in case they're all still hungry...

The devil is sneaky. I thought I would toast four thin slices of that Cinnamon Raisin Bread that Mrs. D always has around. However, when I scanned the entire bread shelf in the pantry, I noticed a new kind of Cinnamon Raisin Bread; It was Strawberry Cinnamon Raisin Bread, and twice as thick!

So I grab the bag of intensely thick Strawberry Cinnamon Raisin Bread, toast four slices, and layer each one with thick blocks of butter until each piece of toast is completely soaked and heavy with butter. I must have used a half stick of butter.

Then I sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on each of the four slices. I cut them in half. Eight very shiny, thick, butter soaked, rectangular Strawberry Cinnamon Raisin Bread pieces of toast, with extra cinnamon and sugar to boot. A delight to any child's eye.

This is for the kids, I tell myself. A nice treat for them as I send them off to school with a happy little sugar high. Sorry teachers.

Except none of the girls wanted any. I waited and waited for them, just one of them, to change her mind. Slowly I realized I might have to eat the toast myself. I ended up doing just that.

After dropping off the two older girls at school, I returned to the house with the three-year-old. I played hide-and-seek with her, and hid in the pantry, so I could eat more. I was eating Pirate Booty White Cheddar Popcorn by the handfuls, and Mini Reese's Cups. An hour later I ate a chocolate chip cookie with peanut butter on top, and for lunch, half a box of macaroni and cheese.

I was possessed by a gluttonous demon. This was not me at all. Though it has happened a few times before.

I was depressed all day after eating that toast. And I felt my belly really pushing on my shorts. So like a rational human being, I decided I would be proactive and fix this mess I'd put my body through.

I decided to eat some healthy food. I found an applesauce and a banana, and devoured them quickly, so they could catch and fight the butter and sugar before the butter and sugar disappeared off into my ass, hips, and thighs.

An hour or so went by. I still felt more full than ever, and my relaxed belly looked like it was five-months-pregnant. If fruit couldn't solve this problem, I needed to do something drastic.

So I ate some fermented cabbage. Oh God. I'd followed a recipe last week for "Pro-biotic and Digestive Enzyme Salad."  You can view all kinds of YouTube videos that teach you how to make it. Supposedly the ingredients: shredded cabbage, carrots, onions, garlic, and water, can ferment themselves without the use of vinegar, when contained in a glass jar at room temperature for five to eight days. Refrigerate after opening. Seemed simple enough. Six days of fermentation had passed, and I'd brought it with me to work, so I decided I'd give it a try.

I should mention that I left my Pro-biotic and Digestive Enzyme Salad in Mrs. D's pantry last weekend. On Monday morning she ever so politely asked me to take it home, as it stunk up her entire house. When I brought it with me today, I had to store it in the garage, hidden in a bag. I was planning on trying it today or tomorrow anyhow.

So I opened the glass jar. The smell slapped me in the face. It was nasty. Like really sour sauerkraut. But I was desperate, and force-fed myself 8 or 10 fork-fulls while plugging my nose.

It was tolerable and actually didn't taste half as bad as it smelled. But it was nowhere close to being delicious. I don't know if it helped. At least I feel I punished myself.

That about sums up my day. I'm PMS'ing if you really want to know. And I'm going out for ice cream later.