Bad Music

The hardest part of my job, some days, is listening to bad music. Mr. and Mrs. D have a high tech Sonos music system that plays in four places: the pool, the patio, the living room, and some other place. You can set different music to play in each area if you want to.

The girls had the day off from school, and we decided to have a pool party. Since no party is complete without music, the Sonos remote came outside with us.

The day had potential for stardom. I had the luxury of being in the pool for five hours. This truly was a luxury. I just floated around and invented pool yoga stretches. Sometimes the girls would summon me to a seat in the pool where they pretended to wash my hair. They poured little watering cans of water down my hair and back and gently patted my hair to "dry" it. And I did butterfly strokes down the length of the pool and back probably a hundred times.

But the music was atrocious! Not just because it was pop music. True, I don't really care for pop. And this was pop. But specifically it was Pandora's Lady Gaga station. The lyrics, vibe, and overall feel to most of the songs played on this station should be condemned to hell now. The worst of these songs is already blocked from ever playing again on Sonos. I blocked it.  Last Spring when I first heard it, and watched an innocent seven-year-old girl sweetly singing along.

Chains and whips excite me. Is that even the title? I refuse to Google it. Britney must have gotten really into Shades of Grey. That's just whack. The song's just putrid and wrong on so many levels.

Also last Spring I blocked a song with the lyric "I kissed a girl and I liked it." Nope not going there. Just didn't like the song. Didn't like it a lot.

Today I was tortured with Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side." I hate everything about this song, but mostly that it gets stuck in my head. Probably because it's a ripoff of the kids' show "H2O: Just Add Water" theme song. The show is about girls turning into mermaids, and every little girl I've babysat in the past five years loves it.

But seriously Kelly Clarkson, I don't need to hear you scream about your dark side. I already know you suck, you don't need to tell me so. If I were that rich and famous I'd have lost the weight by now. You're so close to being unchubby. Maybe just fifteen pounds more. You should start juicing, go to a few yoga classes a week, write better songs, and enjoy your stardom.

I have to wrap this up. I'm getting very upset thinking about Kelly Clarkson. I'll save what little negativity I have left for Lady Gaga. I think it was her, singing about how she wanted to jump on someone's disco stick and take a ride. I don't even remember the lyrics. I'm trying to forget it altogether.

To be fair, Mr. D is always playing Phish and The Beatles when he comes home from work. His kids hear the cool stuff too. But they prefer the Lady Gaga station. 

If you heard any bad music today, let me recommend a tune I'm listening to right now to sanitize my mind. "Have a Heart," by Bonnie Raitt. Good stuff.