I'm at the end of my 5th day. The week has been easy compared to my 3-day and 10-day summer juice fasts. Today was hard, though.
Yesterday I juiced three apples and a lemon for breakfast and also ate a banana. Then for lunch I snacked on strawberries, clementines, and apple slices. For dinner I had my Boku powdered superfood mixed with water, and I ate a half avocado.
Today I juiced apples/cantaloupe/lemon/celery/carrot for breakfast, was full all day, snacked on a couple tiny slices of clementine, then made my glowing green smoothie (blended salad) for dinner. It didn't taste as bad as usual. I used coconut milk in place of water, and added some pineapple and a scoop of Boku, and my blender filled two separate wide plastic cups, which I drank slowly over the course of two hours. I'm super full now.
I received my thyroid results. My doctor left me a voicemail saying "Erin. You definitely need your thyroid. Call me." He was out of the office when I returned his call, but when I came home I had a piece of mail waiting for me. It was from the blood lab. I opened it to see what my Free T4 and TSH levels were, and I was shocked. Normal T4 levels range from 0.8-1.9. My levels were at 0.23. This means my thyroid (which controls metabolism and pretty much regulates the entire body), is operating four-eight times slower than a normal person's.
My TSH levels were even more shocking. Normal levels are 0.35-5.5, and mine were 246.28. I'll have to ask Doc to interpret that one for me.
I went to the natural food store after work today and asked the cashier about their thyroid enhancing supplements. He said that most of them contain iron, which supports thyroid function, but after I read the ingredients on various bottles, it seems that many also contain sea vegetable minerals, such as Kelp and Coral Calcium. Incidentally, I'm already taking Boku which contains sea vegetables, and I take a daily Coral Calcium vitamin. I've been juicing almost daily for three months now so I'm sure I get plenty of iron. So I'm not so sure a natural supplement is going to do much for me.
I don't mind taking the prescription Synthroid. I was taking it for 3-4 years, until I decided to stop taking it several months ago, just to see what would happen. Synthroid is cheap even without insurance (about $30/month), and has no negative side effects, and it speeds up my metabolism. All good things. Except I wondered if I could treat myself naturally without depending on modern medicine. I should read a book on thyroids, just to learn about the anatomy and biology aspect. Maybe I've been naive. I'll order a book on my Kindle tonight.
My mood/energy levels the past two days were like night and day. Yesterday my energy was very high. It was sunny and warm, I got off work early and visited friends in Providence and Coventry. I didn't go to bed until 1 a.m. Today I was tired and grumpy. It was raining all day, and even though I didn't have to go to work until 10, I felt exhausted. I played My-Little-Ponies with the three-year-old for just a half hour and was so overcome with fatigue afterwards that I just collapsed on the playroom floor and told her I needed to stretch for two minutes. I nearly fell asleep there. But she was persistent and very cute, whispering in my ear to "pwease" "pway" with her, so eventually I sat up and persuaded her to watch Winnie the Pooh and Doc McStuffins on Nick Jr. in her mom's bed, and I lay there with her, unable to move or sleep, just feeling physically wiped out.
I made macaroni and cheese for her at lunchtime and smelled a couple pieces and was sad not to eat them. But I can't play that head game. I've got 25 days left. Maybe around day 20 I can start to feel sorry for myself and acknowledge my hunger and cravings. But not now.
I find whenever I've lost weight on a diet in the past, I get emotional whenever I go under 130 lbs. This morning I was at 130.5. So tomorrow I will most likely be in the emotional 120's. It's like my protective fat layers are disappearing and though I should be happy, I just feel exposed and insecure. Skinnier does not equal happier. It's quite the contrary.
It's also sad that on a Friday night, I'm home in bed blogging at 7:30, and will likely go to sleep soon, because I can't really do anything social, and even if I wanted to hang out and avoid alcohol and food, I'm tired and moody. Wish I could go have some Green Curry, or even stir-fried veggies with rice. Something that's warm, homey, and numbing to this weather-inspired doom I've felt all day. Oh well. Life could be worse. I could have children to feed or a husband asking for sex. Thank God I don't have to deal with any of that.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Juice Fast Day 3
Today was great. I woke up early and did some trolling on Facebook, then went back to bed 'til noon.
I went to the East Side blood lab in Narragansett and had my Free T4 thyroid level blood test. It cost me $114.
I scheduled an appointment with my mechanic to get new front tires put on, which I'll do next Wednesday. Then I found an old Groupon in my glove box that I'd forgotten about, and it expires in December. It's for laser hair removal - any medium area on my body. After what I paid in NYC for laser hair removal, I remembered why I bought this Groupon in the first place. I bought it back in May, and it cost me $279 (for $1200 worth of services). It must have been like 90% off. Anyways, it was a steal and I called and made my first appointment for December 5th. I'll let you all know how it goes, though I can't post pics cause it's kind of a private area I'll be zapping.
I dropped off my Halloween costume to my tailor so she can put a heart on my cape. I'm dressing as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. Some friends invited me to play a part in their tea party reenactment on Halloween. They do it for the kids. It should be fun.
Oh - juice fast. I had apple carrot lemon juice for breakfast. It was wonderful. And I didn't consume anything else all day. Then I went to a ninety-minute yoga class. I successfully stood on my hands with my head down, but couldn't lift my legs straight up. The instructor came over to help me do it and I said No.
I got home at 8:15 and had a half avocado and made a Boku drink, just mixing a scoop of the sea vegetable powder with water. I'm very full, and did not have to rely on the glowing green smoothie to fill me up. Just thinking about it makes me lose my appetite. Maybe that's how it works.
I went to the East Side blood lab in Narragansett and had my Free T4 thyroid level blood test. It cost me $114.
I scheduled an appointment with my mechanic to get new front tires put on, which I'll do next Wednesday. Then I found an old Groupon in my glove box that I'd forgotten about, and it expires in December. It's for laser hair removal - any medium area on my body. After what I paid in NYC for laser hair removal, I remembered why I bought this Groupon in the first place. I bought it back in May, and it cost me $279 (for $1200 worth of services). It must have been like 90% off. Anyways, it was a steal and I called and made my first appointment for December 5th. I'll let you all know how it goes, though I can't post pics cause it's kind of a private area I'll be zapping.
I dropped off my Halloween costume to my tailor so she can put a heart on my cape. I'm dressing as the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. Some friends invited me to play a part in their tea party reenactment on Halloween. They do it for the kids. It should be fun.
Oh - juice fast. I had apple carrot lemon juice for breakfast. It was wonderful. And I didn't consume anything else all day. Then I went to a ninety-minute yoga class. I successfully stood on my hands with my head down, but couldn't lift my legs straight up. The instructor came over to help me do it and I said No.
I got home at 8:15 and had a half avocado and made a Boku drink, just mixing a scoop of the sea vegetable powder with water. I'm very full, and did not have to rely on the glowing green smoothie to fill me up. Just thinking about it makes me lose my appetite. Maybe that's how it works.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Juice Fast Day 2
Today was awesome. I got up at 5:30 a.m. and actually showered AND washed my hair. I was at work by 6:35 and immediately juiced three Golden Delicious apples from Port Henry, NY that were handpicked by my almost-ninety-year-old Great Uncle Norm. On my visit home last month, he gave me a bag of McIntosh and GD apples and told me to wait a few weeks for the GD's at the bottom of the bag to ripen. Well they're ripe now and wow. My juicer filled a wide plastic cup to the brim with the apples' heavy, froth-covered sweetness. It was the color of liquid gold, and I drank it quickly.
I didn't consume anything else until 1:30, at which point I ravenously snacked on whole raw fruit (pineapple, strawberries, and mango) throughout the afternoon. I also ate an orange and half an avocado. For dinner I had a glowing green smoothie. That was at 6:00. It's 8:30 now, and I'm still feeling very full and satisfied.
I'm incorporating some raw fruits and veggies into this juice fast for three reasons.
1. I need to consume a large variety of foods in order to prevent vitamin deficiencies. If I just had apple juice every morning and my glowing green smoothie every night, and some other fruit and vegetable juice concoction during the day, I'd still miss a few necessary vitamins and minerals. I need the potassium in bananas, so I'll probably eat a few bananas each week. They can't be juiced. However, I can freeze them and blend them with juice in a blender to make a banana smoothie, which I'll do occasionally too. But that involves a juicer and a blender and with a 30 day fast, I have to be realistic. I'll just eat a couple bananas each week, and some avocados, since they can't be juiced either. Other veggies don't yield much juice, like broccoli, cauliflower, and green beans, so I will snack on those things raw when they're available, and try to mix it up a little each day. Maybe eat a carrot and celery stick here and there. I won't be eating any starchy vegetables like potatoes or squash because they can't be eaten raw, so those foods are out of the picture.
2. I don't want to be rude if I get invited to a social event where everyone's eating. I'll politely snack on some raw fruit or veggies if available, or even bring my own tray of veggie sticks or a fruit platter to share. That way I can enjoy the ritual of eating food with others, while avoiding awkward conversations about why I always carry a cup of juice around in my hands.
3. My juicer is kind of wasteful. It doesn't yield as much juice as high end juicers do, and like all juicers, it eliminates peels and fibrous strands from my produce, and I feel like I throw so much away. The Jack LaLanne juicer doesn't juice leafy vegetables very well either. If I could invest in a nice Breville, and spend $500-$1000, I'd be more apt to juice things like Kale and other leafy vegetables. They just don't do well in the Jack LaLanne juicer.
As for my energy level today, I felt zen-like and peaceful. It was sunny and warm, almost seventy degrees, which is rare for mid-October. I went on a drive with the three-year-old while her sisters were in school. While driving around and singing pop music together, with no particular destination in mind, I found a full service gas station charging $3.79/gallon, and I was on empty so I filled up and probably saved close to $3!
Moments later I found an email on my phone from the shipping company for my Boku Superfood powdered sea vegetable drink. The company said it was refunding my $47.50 for the Boku I ordered nearly three months ago because I'd sent a nasty email in September when my order was three weeks late. I love the stuff though, and will order again, but next time I'll use Amazon or any company besides the shipper in L.A. That distributor was just too unreliable and mistakenly sent me a shipping confirmation and put a hold on the money in my bank account long before they actually shipped it.
Later in our drive, I pulled over by the water and we watched a fisherman catch a very large fish and reel it in. It was exciting. Then on the way home, I dropped off a full bag of designer clothes to a very nice consignment shop in East Greenwich. (The three-year-old's mother gave me a huge box of designer clothes a couple weeks ago, things she said just won't fit her body after having three kids, and some of the clothes were too small for me, so she said I could consign them and split the money with her. Woo hoo!)
I have tomorrow off, and I'll be going to a blood lab to have some blood drawn for my thyroid. Luckily my doctor and the blood lab use a sliding scale for people who have no insurance, like me, so it will only cost a hundred bucks or so. I'm expecting the blood work to show that my levels are very low (since I went off my thyroid prescription about two months ago, a medication I'd been on for nearly five years). Once my low levels are confirmed, I'm going to try a natural thyroid supplement. Many are sold in my health food store. I'll do a little research before choosing which one to buy. And in a couple months I'll have my blood tested again. If my free T4 levels are normal, I'll be on to something. And I'll tell the world.
My hypothesis and hope is that a healthy diet combined with a natural thyroid supplement will raise my free T4 levels. Then after Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I've returned to eating unhealthy things, I'll have my blood taken again to see if the supplement works even without a healthy diet. It will be interesting to see. I might experiment with a couple kinds of supplements too, and devote some blog time to that and attract readers with thyroid conditions.
That's all for today. I haven't gone crazy yet. Not even close.
I didn't consume anything else until 1:30, at which point I ravenously snacked on whole raw fruit (pineapple, strawberries, and mango) throughout the afternoon. I also ate an orange and half an avocado. For dinner I had a glowing green smoothie. That was at 6:00. It's 8:30 now, and I'm still feeling very full and satisfied.
I'm incorporating some raw fruits and veggies into this juice fast for three reasons.
1. I need to consume a large variety of foods in order to prevent vitamin deficiencies. If I just had apple juice every morning and my glowing green smoothie every night, and some other fruit and vegetable juice concoction during the day, I'd still miss a few necessary vitamins and minerals. I need the potassium in bananas, so I'll probably eat a few bananas each week. They can't be juiced. However, I can freeze them and blend them with juice in a blender to make a banana smoothie, which I'll do occasionally too. But that involves a juicer and a blender and with a 30 day fast, I have to be realistic. I'll just eat a couple bananas each week, and some avocados, since they can't be juiced either. Other veggies don't yield much juice, like broccoli, cauliflower, and green beans, so I will snack on those things raw when they're available, and try to mix it up a little each day. Maybe eat a carrot and celery stick here and there. I won't be eating any starchy vegetables like potatoes or squash because they can't be eaten raw, so those foods are out of the picture.
2. I don't want to be rude if I get invited to a social event where everyone's eating. I'll politely snack on some raw fruit or veggies if available, or even bring my own tray of veggie sticks or a fruit platter to share. That way I can enjoy the ritual of eating food with others, while avoiding awkward conversations about why I always carry a cup of juice around in my hands.
3. My juicer is kind of wasteful. It doesn't yield as much juice as high end juicers do, and like all juicers, it eliminates peels and fibrous strands from my produce, and I feel like I throw so much away. The Jack LaLanne juicer doesn't juice leafy vegetables very well either. If I could invest in a nice Breville, and spend $500-$1000, I'd be more apt to juice things like Kale and other leafy vegetables. They just don't do well in the Jack LaLanne juicer.
As for my energy level today, I felt zen-like and peaceful. It was sunny and warm, almost seventy degrees, which is rare for mid-October. I went on a drive with the three-year-old while her sisters were in school. While driving around and singing pop music together, with no particular destination in mind, I found a full service gas station charging $3.79/gallon, and I was on empty so I filled up and probably saved close to $3!
Moments later I found an email on my phone from the shipping company for my Boku Superfood powdered sea vegetable drink. The company said it was refunding my $47.50 for the Boku I ordered nearly three months ago because I'd sent a nasty email in September when my order was three weeks late. I love the stuff though, and will order again, but next time I'll use Amazon or any company besides the shipper in L.A. That distributor was just too unreliable and mistakenly sent me a shipping confirmation and put a hold on the money in my bank account long before they actually shipped it.
Later in our drive, I pulled over by the water and we watched a fisherman catch a very large fish and reel it in. It was exciting. Then on the way home, I dropped off a full bag of designer clothes to a very nice consignment shop in East Greenwich. (The three-year-old's mother gave me a huge box of designer clothes a couple weeks ago, things she said just won't fit her body after having three kids, and some of the clothes were too small for me, so she said I could consign them and split the money with her. Woo hoo!)
I have tomorrow off, and I'll be going to a blood lab to have some blood drawn for my thyroid. Luckily my doctor and the blood lab use a sliding scale for people who have no insurance, like me, so it will only cost a hundred bucks or so. I'm expecting the blood work to show that my levels are very low (since I went off my thyroid prescription about two months ago, a medication I'd been on for nearly five years). Once my low levels are confirmed, I'm going to try a natural thyroid supplement. Many are sold in my health food store. I'll do a little research before choosing which one to buy. And in a couple months I'll have my blood tested again. If my free T4 levels are normal, I'll be on to something. And I'll tell the world.
My hypothesis and hope is that a healthy diet combined with a natural thyroid supplement will raise my free T4 levels. Then after Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I've returned to eating unhealthy things, I'll have my blood taken again to see if the supplement works even without a healthy diet. It will be interesting to see. I might experiment with a couple kinds of supplements too, and devote some blog time to that and attract readers with thyroid conditions.
That's all for today. I haven't gone crazy yet. Not even close.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Juice Fast Day 1
What a great day. Nothing remarkable happened, but I flowed through it without much stress.
I made an apple/carrot/celery juice this morning with a squeeze of lemon. It was refreshing. Then I ate a half avocado around lunch time. For dinner I had the glowing green smoothie (pretty nasty but very filling).
The glowing green smoothie is made in a blender. I recommend a KitchenAid for a $100 budget or a Vitamix for a $400 budget. The Vitamix has an attachment to help push food down into the blades, and some Vitamix blenders will warm your concoction so you have soup or sauce made and stored right on the spot. But the KitchenAid does a great job of blending to a smooth consistency. That's what I use. I don't have $400 to spend on a blender. Someday. Must marry a rich man.
Moving on, the glowing green smoothie was something I read about in Kimberly Snyder's The Beauty Detox Solution. I read this three hundred page book about the "glowing green smoothie" on my Kindle, but she wouldn't reveal the recipe until the end of the book, and since I was reading it on my Kindle, I couldn't easily flip through the pages like on an actual book, so I read every stinking page before getting to the recipe at the end. I felt I had to incorporate it into my lifestyle, after reading about all it's amazing benefits. It does so many things for you, yet is so simple to make. Here's the recipe:
A handful of fresh spinach
A half-bunch of parsley
3-4 Romaine lettuce hearts
1 Granny Smith green apple
Just blend together with some water to help it all mix. Then drink it. Try not to gag, it's pretty bad. I add pineapple which helps a little.
After drinking the glowing green smoothie and rinsing out my blender, I took the three girls I babysit out to dinner at a kid-friendly place called Rhody Joe's, where they have kids spin a wheel for prizes, and there's also some arcade games spread out around the 3 room venue. There's also a bar and lotto ticket machine and lots of televisions everywhere, so adults love it too. The place was getting packed for Monday Night Football, and we had a hard time finding a parking space. But there was no turning back. The girls were so excited about going, and I had to just roll with it, despite their off-the-wall energy. And I got through the evening like a true zen master.
The oldest girl kept leaving the table to change the songs on the juke box. The middle child disappeared to play basketball. The three year old disappeared under the table and out of her seat to an empty table's seat directly behind me, so I just forked helpings of brocolli and mac cheese to her by turning around and feeding her there. At one point though, she was sprawled out on her belly on the floor in the aisle where people were walking, and I realized she might get stepped on, so I said calmly but firmly "Watch out, someone will step on you," and she retreated to her seat at our table.
All the kids finished their kid dinners, veggies, and chocolate milks. The middle child ordered a second meal and finished that. Plus they split an appetizer of mozzarella sticks. They had super charged sugar highs as we left. We managed to squeeze in a game of air hockey and a couple more games of basketball before leaving. The three year old hit her head on an arcade game as we were literally heading out the door, and the tears came, and I just scooped her up and had the kids buckled and driven home before no time.
It's 10:30 now and I'm wide awake but should go to sleep, since I have to get up at 5:30 and work a 12 hour day tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it.
I made an apple/carrot/celery juice this morning with a squeeze of lemon. It was refreshing. Then I ate a half avocado around lunch time. For dinner I had the glowing green smoothie (pretty nasty but very filling).
The glowing green smoothie is made in a blender. I recommend a KitchenAid for a $100 budget or a Vitamix for a $400 budget. The Vitamix has an attachment to help push food down into the blades, and some Vitamix blenders will warm your concoction so you have soup or sauce made and stored right on the spot. But the KitchenAid does a great job of blending to a smooth consistency. That's what I use. I don't have $400 to spend on a blender. Someday. Must marry a rich man.
Moving on, the glowing green smoothie was something I read about in Kimberly Snyder's The Beauty Detox Solution. I read this three hundred page book about the "glowing green smoothie" on my Kindle, but she wouldn't reveal the recipe until the end of the book, and since I was reading it on my Kindle, I couldn't easily flip through the pages like on an actual book, so I read every stinking page before getting to the recipe at the end. I felt I had to incorporate it into my lifestyle, after reading about all it's amazing benefits. It does so many things for you, yet is so simple to make. Here's the recipe:
A handful of fresh spinach
A half-bunch of parsley
3-4 Romaine lettuce hearts
1 Granny Smith green apple
Just blend together with some water to help it all mix. Then drink it. Try not to gag, it's pretty bad. I add pineapple which helps a little.
After drinking the glowing green smoothie and rinsing out my blender, I took the three girls I babysit out to dinner at a kid-friendly place called Rhody Joe's, where they have kids spin a wheel for prizes, and there's also some arcade games spread out around the 3 room venue. There's also a bar and lotto ticket machine and lots of televisions everywhere, so adults love it too. The place was getting packed for Monday Night Football, and we had a hard time finding a parking space. But there was no turning back. The girls were so excited about going, and I had to just roll with it, despite their off-the-wall energy. And I got through the evening like a true zen master.
The oldest girl kept leaving the table to change the songs on the juke box. The middle child disappeared to play basketball. The three year old disappeared under the table and out of her seat to an empty table's seat directly behind me, so I just forked helpings of brocolli and mac cheese to her by turning around and feeding her there. At one point though, she was sprawled out on her belly on the floor in the aisle where people were walking, and I realized she might get stepped on, so I said calmly but firmly "Watch out, someone will step on you," and she retreated to her seat at our table.
All the kids finished their kid dinners, veggies, and chocolate milks. The middle child ordered a second meal and finished that. Plus they split an appetizer of mozzarella sticks. They had super charged sugar highs as we left. We managed to squeeze in a game of air hockey and a couple more games of basketball before leaving. The three year old hit her head on an arcade game as we were literally heading out the door, and the tears came, and I just scooped her up and had the kids buckled and driven home before no time.
It's 10:30 now and I'm wide awake but should go to sleep, since I have to get up at 5:30 and work a 12 hour day tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
30 Day Juice Fast Preparation
It will be neat to see what happens on a 30 day fast.
In preparing for this 30 day juice fast, I've had to get both inspired and disgusted. I watched two mind bending documentaries: Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and Forks Over Knives, and read three books: A Beginner's Guide To Juicing, The Beauty Detox Solution, and Skinny Bitch.
Next, to calm my nerves at the thought of a 30 day juice fast, I ravenously indulged in all my favorite foods: Thai Green Curry, Buffalo chic pizza with blue cheese, Friendly's peanut butter swirl ice cream, an occasional margarita, and all kinds of snacks that fill the large pantry where I babysit for a living. Pancake and egg sandwich breakfasts (weekly), steak and potato dinners (twice last month), and despite my antipathy for cow's milk and it's cancer causing animal protein "casein", and my rants against parents who ignorantly feed it to their kids, I indulged in at least two bowls of cereal with organic skim cow's milk in the past forty-five days, and I'm beyond disgusted with myself for that alone.
(Note: Anyone who hasn't done a 3 day or 10 day juice fast should attempt to STOP intake of certain food addictions, like caffeine for example, before the fast. Otherwise he/she might kill someone. I had already long-ago weened myself off coffee, soda, and all sugary drinks, as well as most meat and dairy products).
Finally, I had to carefully choose a 30-day time period in which my unwillingness to eat would minimally inconvenience others. So about a month ago, I decided to begin the fast on October 15 (OMG that's Monday!). Breathe. Bend. Okay. And it will end November 13. I'll have an excuse to avoid Halloween candy, and be done in time to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas meals with family.
This is also a good time of year for reverse-hibernation, since I plan on eating non-stop all winter. I don't need fat reserves in my gut, thighs, and love-handles beforehand. I also don't move much during winter. It's too dark, cold and depressing, and I have a thyroid problem. If you don't know what an under-active thyroid does to your body temperature, I'll pay you a visit to put my icy cold hands on your belly.
That's exactly what I do to the kids I babysit when they complain about me not playing outdoors with them on cold days. I just put my hands on their belly and tell them I'll freeze and die if I go outside. If they're young enough, I tell them I'm part human and part ice-queen. Then I prove it to them by asking if they want to feel my cold powers. In all seriousness, I crack my knuckles then place my bare hands under their shirt. They scream in disbelief and look at me with awe and wonder. If the child is foolish enough to whine to me about building a snowman or going sledding after I've revealed my condition to them, I remind them a second time, with icy handed bare belly tickles. They usually don't ask a third time.
On particularly frigid days, when my circulation is almost obsolete, my fingertips and toes turn perfectly white and colorless, despite my efforts at self-massage and endless bowls of hot water for soaking. I squander children's favorite blankies as shawls and their parents' bedding as middle-eastern overgarments, and walk about the house as an unrecognizable beast. Sometimes I even roar.
On a more serious note, I had a really healthy day yesterday, just to make sure I still had a trace of willpower in my bones, and I successfully stuck to raw fruits and veggies all day, along with a green superfood powdered drink mix called Boku, and by dinnertime I was so full, I just went to bed early without eating anything else. I woke up this morning to my skin looking radiant, and my hair looks healthier and longer. Just from that one day of pure healthy eating! Imagine what 30 will do! But today I have a 3-year-old's birthday party to attend, and there will be homemade lobster mac and cheese, as well as cake and ice cream, and I will indulge. Then on Sunday, I'll perhaps indulge in one last favorite meal (most likely Thai green currry), before Monday arrives and the true test begins.
Stay tuned. I'll keep you posted!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
A Visit Home
I stopped at a big farmer's market Friday in East Greenwich, RI to pick up apples, peaches, squashes, carrots, and some local syrup and honey. I'd prepared a double batch of gluten-free pancakes the day before to bring home, toast, and enjoy. I had added banana and apple, chocolate chips, honey, and organic almond butter to the batter and ate a few on the road trip.
The weekend had the potential to be a wash out, since it rained for four days straight. I didn't get to take my dogs on walks like I'd hoped, though I did squeeze in a Saturday morning walk with them while the rain ceased for an hour. I didn't see the sun at all though, and the foliage was kind of sad looking under the wet, cloudy canvas.
Once home, I cooked a spaghetti squash, and also a butter sauce with sour cream, parsley, onion, and mini orange tomatoes. Cutting the squash took longer than cooking it, if possible. My parents don't own a sharp knife. I went through over twenty large, dull knives before turning into a mad woman and stabbing the thing all over with a little paring knife and digging my fingers in to tear the flesh apart. I'm lucky I didn't lose a ligament. I think I know what my parents are getting for Christmas from me this year!
My friend Fred came home with me. He made the 7-hour trip with me last year in August to celebrate my 30th birthday, so he'd already met my parents, grandparents, and some of my friends. This year I didn't expect him to be able to come, since he was in the hospital all summer. Miraculously, the doctors decided last-minute they would release him on Friday morning, just two hours before I was planning on driving home. So I wasted no time in picking him up.
Fred refused to fill his pain medication prescription, after being on some heroine-like hospital drug for two months. He wanted to save a few bucks and tough it out. Well he certainly did. He was tougher than any woodsmen field day competitor I'd ever seen, stifling his moans when we drove on a bumpy road or when standing up after sitting for a long leg of the drive. He even drove for the first half of the trip, and pulled the car over to check out the tires when he felt the car's alignment off. In the pouring rain, Fred pulled up to an air pump at a gas station and filled my front passenger tire, which was very low. He also pumped my gas, and checked out a rusty tie rod end and looked over the engine.
When I got home Friday night, having turned 31 two months ago, my mother had gifts waiting for me: A Celtic designed pendant on a sterling silver chain with matching ring, an herb garden grow kit, a book called Heaven is for Real, and a soft little stuffed moose that is bright pink.
On Saturday, Fred and I visited my best friend from high school, Amanda, and she gave me two little potted aloe plants. I kept one and gave the other to my maternal grandmother, who I joined for dinner shortly afterwards. I stopped at my favorite restaurant in the whole world, Eat-N-Meet, in Saranac Lake to pick up some dinner to bring to Grandma's. She had also made a frozen Chef Boyardee pizza but I just had a little taste. She said it was no good and she wouldn't buy it again, so I shared some of my Potato Gnocchi with butternut cream sauce, plantain dumplings, miso soup, Reuben sandwich, grilled veggie kabobs, squash, and sweet potato fries with her. It was a heavenly meal.
On Sunday Fred and I went to church and my dad delivered an awesome sermon, as always. I usually listen to his sermons online (the website is http://tupperlakechristiancenter.org/join_us0.aspx if you care to listen,) but seeing him preach in person is much better. He's much more animated than he used to be, and still very funny. After church I commented that his chest looked smaller, and assumed it was due to a healthy weight-loss, but he grumbled and my mother whispered in my ear that he can't do pushups anymore since hurting his shoulder ligament over the summer. My dad spent most of the weekend walking around the house with a shoulder re-alignment body cast covering his entire upper chest and arms, with his slightly less than toned belly hanging out underneath.
My paternal grandparents were in church, too! It's so rare that I get to see them, since they live in Ohio. They were with an older lady, who I mistakenly introduced to Fred as my Great Grandma Boyea. Then my Grandma Boyea reminded me that Great Grandma had died a couple years ago, and this lady was my Great Aunt Patsy. I was gravely embarrassed, but pretended not to be.
On the drive back to Rhode Island Monday morning, Fred and I stopped into my Great Uncle Norm's house in Port Henry. He is my maternal grandmother's brother. He owned and ran the famous Port Henry Knotty Pine Restaurant for over 30 years and he's a great chef. He makes and freezes his own tomato sauce using home grown tomatoes and basil, along with other seasonings and a wonderful hickory apple-smoked sausage. We all had spaghetti for lunch, followed by a homemade apple pie for dessert. He sent me home with a huge bag of apples he'd picked himself, and told me to wait for the golden delicious apples at the bottom of the bag to ripen a little more before eating. The top of the bag was all Macintosh apples, and I juiced three of them this morning. It was the best apple juice I've ever had!
Looking forward to my next trip home at Thanksgiving already. Good food. Good times.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Kyle
Kyle has an opinion about everything. He is involved in student government, the high school newspaper, yearbook, musicals, and anything else he can pencil in. His favorite teacher is Senora Finnegan. Even after we are done taking all our required Spanish classes and state tests, he eagerly signs up for an elective Spanish class she is offering to Juniors. Kyle gets me to sign up too. Senora is always wearing big, busy colorful prints and moving about the classroom fluidly while playing soft Spanish Flamenco dance music on her small CD player in the back of the room. The room is decorated with vibrant student-made and store-bought posters. The wide open shelves are full of half-finished projects, construction paper, and various crafting decorations and utensils. One day in particular, Senora opens up class by delivering a somewhat sad, Spanish soliloquy that relates to her personal life. I don't understand all of it, but I can tell that something sad happened. Kyle is moved to tears, goes through an entire box of Kleenex, and whispers a translation to me once he pulls himself together.
Kyle gets worked up about everything: people, movies, news, politics. His emotional side is both confusing and contagious. He is more alive than anyone I know. He gossips about certain people more than others. He cracks jokes in class, here or there, just loud enough for anyone seated next to him in class to hear, and just funny enough to laugh and forget about it afterwards. No one ever gossips about Kyle. He's generally loved by all, though he doesn't go to parties. Instead, he invites other non-party-goers to his house, and with him there, it's a party. No alcohol necessary.
Fast forward fifteen years. Kyle is a hundred pounds lighter and works for the entertainment industry. He lives in NYC and wears great designer glasses. His wife is a beautiful younger lawyer chick, at least from what I could see on Facebook before Kyle blocked me. I sent him a few desperate "forgive me please" FB emails before he clicked block. But some things can't be forgiven.
From my earliest recollection of Kyle in eighth grade, I thought he was snobby. I didn't get his personality. He seemed so apathetic to others around him, so self-consumed, whispering often into someone's ear or rolling his eyes while mumbling something out-loud to himself. It was weird. I was perplexed. Doesn't he realize other people can see and hear him? He would stretch out his giant back and big arms and dip his head backward in his chair and moan during the middle of a teacher's lecture or a test, displaying the agony of Edvard Munch's Scream, then quietly collect himself and go back to working on the task at hand.
He was often walking the halls with his girlfriend Julie. But in ninth grade Julie broke up with Kyle for a guy named Jesse. Ironically, I had chosen Jesse as my future husband in Mr. Keniston's eighth grade science class when we did an experiment. I was sad when Julie dated Jesse, but Jesse had a twin brother so I told myself I'd settle for either twin. It never happened. Neither twin had any interest in me beyond some occasional flirting. And I never thought of Kyle romantically, even after a friendship began that year. I wondered why this pretty, athletic girl Julie dated Kyle at all, given he was so strange and she seemed so normal. This intrigue birthed my first affections for Kyle. I wanted to learn more about this dynamic character.
By the end of ninth grade, I was walking the halls with Kyle daily. We were inseparable. We talked on the phone most nights. He complained about his step-dad, who I thought was great. Ron. Ron gave me a WWII packaged lunch that never got opened. I have it to this day. It's probably worth money, but I'll never sell it. And Kyle's mother was so pretty and sweet. He had two older sisters he didn't talk to much, and a slightly younger brother he made fun of sometimes.
I worked at McDonald's and sneaked him extra fries and sometimes milkshakes. Sometimes we ate together. I liked his smile, his hair, his charm, his witty conversation, and warm companionship.
In tenth grade I went through one of several cigarette-smoking phases. Kyle never smoked. Everyone else across the street from the bus semi-circle did though, so I thought it was okay. It was on one particular damp, Spring day that I was jonesing for a cigarette while walking to McDonald's with Kyle. I saw butts all around, but most of them were wet. I finally found a dry, half-smoked Camel, and bent down to pick it up and light it. Kyle tried to rip it out of my hand. I tried to explain it was perfectly good, and wasteful not to smoke it. He told me he could never talk to me again if I lit and smoked it. I lit it and smoked it anyhow.
Kyle was disgusted with me then, but he eventually got over it. Yet I continued to disgust him. During senior year I ditched our morning hallway walks together to make out with my boyfriend in the elevator shaft. I had never dated anyone before. This happened every morning for about three weeks straight. Then the boyfriend dumps me and senior prom is only a few months away. Kyle, though disgusted at my behavior with the bf, asks me to prom. I am shocked and dumbfounded. It seems like senior prom should be for romantic couples. I play it cool and tell Kyle I am holding out for Jason Fuller.
Not so cool. Jason doesn't ask me, Kyle's feelings are hurt, and I feel like a moron. But Kyle waits until prom is only two weeks away and entices me in his charismatic way. I reluctantly agree. It turns out to be the best night of my life. I feel bad for not agreeing sooner. It's so much fun. Especially planning our outfits. We wear matching bumble-bee themed dress and suit, with bumblebee corsages and bees worked into my hairdo. Kyle spikes his hair and dyes the tips bright yellow, and carries a black cane with yellow duct tape circled around as stripes. He gets me to dance to a few songs, always using his cane as a prop, though we mostly hang out by the punch bowl as he points out fashion sense fails. He can't contain his laughter at so-and-so's outfit or dance moves. Neither can I.
Prom ends. I go to a dumb party. Maybe Kyle goes too. I don't know. I probably make out with some random dude and get a cab to my friend Amanda's before passing out completely. I really don't remember. Then we graduate and go off to college.
I decide to email Kyle once during my Freshman college year, after ignoring a few emails from him. I guess we kind of drifted apart. His college was across the state, and his place in my life was reduced to a little black and yellow picture frame perched on my dorm room dresser.
As I sit down to email Kyle after almost an entire year of college has gone by, I feel awkward about not making more of an effort to stay in touch. I need to break the ice. I have this great idea to jokingly email Kyle a picture of a guy in a Speedo looking all sexy. I find a ridiculous image that makes me laugh, and send it as an attachment. For whatever reason, Kyle is beyond disgusted. He is mortified. He lets me know so in his very brief and final email correspondence with me the following day.
We don't speak again during our college years. I forget about him for the most part. I see him jogging a few times during my college summer vacations. He is renting an apartment with a bunch of girls across the street from the restaurant where I waitress. I whistle and holler at him obnoxiously each time I see him jog by, and each time, he rolls his eyes and says nothing. Sometimes he puts out his hand as if to say hello, or shut up, I don't know. But he doesn't look at me and he doesn't say anything.
Eventually we have graduated from college, and lots of my high school friends are back in my home town celebrating with their families, sorting out internships and careers, and I decide to go into student teaching. At this point, I miss Kyle desperately and hope to run into him. We have so much to talk about now. So much time has passed. And I finally get my chance.
I'm at a local bar when I see his familiar face and sharpened jaw line. I almost don't recognize him because he has traded in his teddy bear physique for a thin, toned one. He is playing pool with a few other girls we'd gone to high school with. When I realize it's him, I leap from my bar stool and gallop to the other end of the bar with open arms to embrace him. He doesn't open his arms or look kindly at me, so I just run my finger down his shirt buttons and say, "You look amazing!"
He pokes me with his pointer finger between my collar bones and replies, "So am I good enough for you now?" He strains a smile then turns around and paces the other side of the pool table, whispering and giggling, probably about me, to his little posse of girls.
This will be the last time I ever see or speak to Kyle. I don't know him anymore. I go back to my bar stool, do a shot of something, probably whiskey, with my sister, and we go home.
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